Streams of infinity š¼ā
I used to obsess over the way my heart unraveled itself, thread by thread + searching for patterns in everything I saw. There were so many ways to look at the world, and I tried to see them all at once. It felt easier to be blind back then, because I was looking too hard. Forcing meaning into every corner. Forcing my eyes to translate chaos into certainty.
I counted everything. Numbers became anchors. Dots became constellations. I waited for more, always moreā¦so I could connect them, so I could understand. As if understanding would save me.
There was a time I stood behind the window, watching sunsets as if they belonged to another life, beautiful, distant, unreachable. Now Iāve changed sides. I donāt watch anymore. I step outside. I let the light move through me, and in doing so, I move too.
I break free in small, quiet ways ~
Still, sometimes, I see you.
Or maybe itās the memory of you, circling like time itself, leaving behind fragments, little glowing dots I used to gather and hide. I carried them all, afraid to lose even one. They made me heavy, but I thought they made me whole.
Now, when I lift my hand to my lips and breathe out, I let them go.
They scatter into the air, weightless, aliveā¦transforming as I do. What I once tried to hold onto becomes something freer, something wider.
Not everything needs to be kept to be meaningful.
Maybe thatās what a miracle is.
āØNot something we receive, but something we release.
There was a version of me who thought less love meant less pain.āØBut that version of me was smaller.
So Iām letting that go too.
I donāt need to count every star anymore.āØOr every wave.āØOr every shell that cuts my feet just to prove Iām still here.
Iāve counted enough.
Now, I want to feel without measuring.āØTo exist without collecting evidence.āØTo let moments pass through me instead of trapping them in memory.
And maybe, one day, I wonāt see you circling me anymore.
Not because youāre goneāØbut because Iāve finally learned how to fly.
ź¤ź¤ź¤ When Iām in the lab, Iām reminded that everything has its own rhythm: metal, people, life. The patinas I work with react just like we do. They need time, patience, and the right conditions to reveal who they are becoming.ź¤
Watching a patina slowly change feels a lot like watching myself grow. Some days are tough. Some reactions donāt go the way I expect. But then I look up at the sky, take a breath, and remember how grateful I am to be here, learning as I go.ź¤
Every reaction whether in metal or in our hearts needs care. None of us are finished products. Weāre all in process.
And when you give without expecting anything back, something inside you relaxes. Your shoulders feel lighter, even when life feels heavy. You start to feel a little more free. A little more you. Almost like youāre beginning to float. ź¤
