Today a woman at the gas station surprised me by giving me one of the roses she received from her son for Mother’s Day. I hadn’t said a word out of the ordinary friendly exchange one might typically have during such a transaction, yet her kind nature singled me out somehow. I am grateful for seemingly small blessings like this, within it I can’t help but feel connection with the divine and be heartened. I hope love, joy, and healing find all who seek it. 🩵 Anna
Hello! I hope y’all have enjoyed this new moon energy with everything that’s been piled up in Aries. It’s certainly been fascinating (iykyk.)
I got my glasses and am happy to be seeing properly again, though it likely improved my interoception somewhat to spend 6 weeks without functional vision. I may appear to be glowering in this photo but that is mostly light sensitivity. I’ve spent enough of my waking life in darkness that even grey light often has me squinting, but I’ve also been informed that I now have mild cataracts, so.. Yay, aging.
When not murmuring to these little orange roses in a sing-song voice I have been busy with various projects. Nothing I wish to elaborate on at this time, but it has been agreeably fruitful and at some point I expect there will be much to share. (Though I suppose it is worth noting that the Mouse Mountain Substack has continued with intermittent posts. There should be a link to that in the bio and maybe I’ll include one to “stories.”)
A reminder to friends that I have a different telephone number. If I have not responded to messages it is likely because I have not received them, so DM or email me if you’d like.
I hope everyone is as well as can be. These are difficult times and there is much work to be done, but please try to occasionally zoom out and resist the pull to remain increasingly lost in survival mode, *especially* if your immediate survival truly is threatened in some way. So much of the energy we are saturated with is designed to activate the amygdala and keep our minds and bodies soaked in cortisol. Effective resistance begins with reclamation of one’s interiority. Remember: you are far more susceptible to manipulation with a dysregulated nervous system, particularly if you’ve been neglecting your “Shadow Work.”
Sometimes the most revolutionary action that one can pursue is self-love and the healing of core wounds.
Take care, & may God bless all our seeds sown with love and truth,
Anna 🩵
We made a substack to introduce the mythology of mouse mountain. I’ll put a link below and in the bio. It is presently free to read, but if you wish to you are perfectly welcome to venmo a few dollars either directly to me at @ neseygallons or to my children @ JacksLighthouse …it is my understanding that the instagram algorithm prefers to circulate faces, so here is a recent one of me trying on eyeglasses. I think they look nice 🤷♀️
God bless and happy Easter to all 🌌🩵🖖✨🐣
/@blueberrily
I would like to thank any and all who have supported my family and I, especially my children, both recently and in days past. Bless you. I am as well as one can be and while help is appreciated, *worries* are not necessary and no mind or heart should be burdened for my sake. As promised, I am slowly coming to resemble lupines (image one.) On this Monday my advice to myself and to any seeking advice from old moon witch mice is (image 2) to keep hold of one’s faith in whatever form that may take for you, particularly as it aligns with your spirit and your deepest and truest love. Trust in moving forward with its guidance and don’t look back. (Here I am referencing both the story of Lot’s wife and Orpheus & Eurydice.) And lastly, on a mug a friend gave me last week: 恩上加恩 …the translation from the Chinese is “grace upon grace.” This is derived from John 1:16, but I share here to intone that YOU are the miracle, whoever you are, it is you who moves toward salvation, it is your birth and life reclaiming alignment with grace upon grace in this world, and though there be obstacles, none are sufficient to collapse your destiny. If ever it appears otherwise repeat to yourself aloud “the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee” (from Psalms 139.) If the proximity to religious faith implied by utilizing such a text disturbs you, try thinking of it as simply a linguistic tool to aid in regulating the nervous system that helps collapse harmful and non-productive thought loops. Rewrite it to suit your own needs and to better reflect your own personal cosmology. PS: was going to use Hildegard von Bingen for music cos that’s almost all I’ve listened to lately, but this suggestion popped up and made me giggle, and 🌧️ my god, you’ve got to learn to laugh!
Sending love and forgiveness to all seeking it,
Anna 🌌🩵🖖✨
New moon in Pisces. I am unhoused, or homeless, take your pick, and could use whatever help I can get. If you’re able, please Venmo @neseygallons what you can or pass along information regarding anything in terms of temporary or long-term housing in the Bangor area. I would like to ask that the privacy of my family and friends otherwise be respected at this time, thank you. Elsewhere: please review the @milkomedainitiative materials for utopian visions of a future world on the near horizon. More elaborate texts detailing the Initiative to be shared soon 🌌🩵🖖✨
Happy International Women’s Day, y’all! Mouse here, hoping all are as well as can be. I felt quite cheerful walking home from church this morning with my daughter and seeing all the snow and ice melting. Most years I am sad to see winter go, partly because I’m uncertain I’ll ever see another and it is generally my favorite part of the year, but for whatever reason I am quite eager for spring lately. I want to plant things and see stuff grow. I want to fix my bicycle and ride it somewhere I’ve never been before. I want to go to the farmer’s market and chase my kids around in the park. I want to play autoharp on my front porch and sing songs with new friends and neighbors. It’s not that I’ve become free of worries, it’s just that I’m done stressing out about people and things beyond my control. Trauma and fear have stolen enough time, happiness, and health from my family, and if some confused, rotten-hearted creature wishes to further target me/us with their delirium I can’t do much about it, so I might as well find and share love and joy how and when I can. I hope y’all manage to find and share a bit of your own, it makes life’s labors a little lighter and the darkness worth enduring. In other news, I think I’m going to record a collection of hymns played on pump organ and autoharp, and dye my hair some soft violet color. I want to be mistaken for lupines.
🩵🖖 Anna
(1/2)
It is, perhaps, just a little bit humorously embarrassing, to me, to be here saying “Nevermind, I’m back!” but a friend encouraged me to not abandon social media entirely *just yet* and after some contemplation I have to agree. (I thought it might be fun to invite several commas to meddle in the composition of that sentence.)
Weird things are happening in the world, and people like me (trans elders) are in short supply. The place known as Maine where I live has a role that it seems meant to play in all that is unfolding. I am in a very different condition internally than I was or have been in ages, or ever, really. As much as I want to unplug completely from the internet and focus wholly on my family, my community, and creative work, it feels irresponsible to turn away from folks out there who might find any stray encouragement from my presence in these digital spaces to be bolstering. I’ll try to stick around til the end of the year if I can bear to. Narrative control of our mutual shared reality must not be ceded to the delusional and dangerous people wielding power over our world or all are fates will be sealed, and it is feeling a little “All Hands On Deck!” presently (Concluded in comments.)
Hello! I thought I should note that I am in the process of revising how I interact with the internet, deleting my Bluesky and Twitter accounts, and I’ve been unfollowing most accounts here on instagram, partly in anticipation for when I inevitably delete or abandon this account as well. If you’ve been unfollowed it’s likely nothing personal (if you consider yourself a friend and wish for clarification of my feelings please write and ask.) While I continue to sometimes utilize this platform I mostly just need to narrow the scope of what I might encounter when I do visit this place. I have my reasons.
The highlight of my week has become my church’s Bible study group. We discuss a passage for an hour and then spend a half hour praying for the world and everyone in our community. That sort of stuff. It’s the most oddly gender-affirming thing ever, probably because it makes me feel exactly like I am one of my grandmothers, which is complex for a trans woman that is mostly estranged from her family, but no less meaningful. I am clearly the continuation of this matrilineage of little old church ladies. The family historian hoarding photographs and ephemera, awake late into the night worrying over everyone I care for and the fate of this world.
I am also working to complete the mastering of an album by one of my favorite present day artists. More on that in the future. But as good a time as any to remind folks that, though generally pretty selective with the projects I’ll take on, I still do mixing and mastering work. Rates negotiable, just DM me.
Otherwise, just trying to get busy with the sortof work that one does after coming out of a lengthy hibernation. It’s a good feeling. 🩵🖖 Anna
(1/3?) My friend Paul recently shared a post about his pilot light, and I wanted to elaborate on that.
My own pilot light went out in 2009. For various reasons I suffered a kind of spiritual death at age 24. By 2011 this soul sickness left me convinced I should no longer exist, as by then I believed I’d become someone unforgivably reprehensible, a dissolute and unrecognizable shell of myself. I ultimately chose to remain living because my new friend Paul offered me somewhere to recover. For years my friend made sacrifices trying to help me survive until my pilot light could be relit. It would spark and flicker for a moment, especially after our daughter was born in 2015, but some part of me remained broken. I came out publicly as trans in 2016 and continued to seek physical and mental healthcare and education, hoping these things would be enough, but Paul’s own pilot light went out in the winter of 2017/18, and for a year and a half we separated while darkness tried to claim me. (Picture Aang when nearly overtaken by Ozai’s spirit.)
