She’s back 😮💨… so this is my first Heli jump back since 2019 is over the Swiss Alps and has now been checked off the bucket list!!
There were many points where I thought I’d never return to the sport. Motherhood, injuries and countless moments of self doubt.
But making the decision to keep skydiving is me showing myself that I can push the limits and continue to break the barriers of comfort. This sport has always given me fuel and helped me grow.
Hands downs one of the best moments of my life 🔮
#skydiving #extremesports #womeninsport #switzerland
Social media might have made it look like I’ve got it made, that my life is easy or that I’m just some adrenaline junkie with privilege. Here’s my real story 👆🏾
Any former people pleasers here?! I’m one 🙋🏽♀️
Not the “I just want to be nice” kind.
The kind where you genuinely believed that keeping everyone around you happy was the only way to feel safe inside yourself.
That was me.
I didn’t know it then. I just knew that when people were okay, I could breathe. When they weren’t, something in me panicked.
Honestly I sometimes felt I was weak otherwise. Because somewhere along the way my nervous system made a deal.
If I keep the peace. If I force a smile. If I make it easy. And maybe then I’ll be safe. Maybe then I’ll be loved.
So I did that. For years.
I overextended. I prioritised. I performed.
And then I sat in a therapy session today and heard it named for the first time.
It wasn’t kindness. It was a learnt stress response. My body had decided early that conflict meant danger. So it got creative. It made me agreeable. Accommodating. Easy.
And the exhausting part isn’t even the giving. It’s realising you were never fully were there to begin with. You were just managing. Surviving. Hoping that if you made enough people feel good, some of it would find its way back to you.
But It didn’t.
The work now isn’t becoming cold or selfish. It’s something more powerful.
It’s learning to tell the part of you that’s still bracing for impact
that you’re safe now.
You don’t have to perform to be loved.
You never did. 🥹
Holding all my people pleasers close in my arms virtually right now, and reminding them to prioritise their own safety first ❤️
Growth isn’t supposed to feel good.
And sometimes grief is just an old version of you finally letting go.
And maybe this chapter is about stopping the performance. Putting down the weight of who you were for everyone else.
And becoming someone you actually want to be 🖤
The attempts you never saw 😳 In fact I was one of those people who only posted the perfect jump.
The perfect moment.
But the truth is I failed a lot in the process.
It was only recently that I found out one of the culprits of my arm weakness was that I lost 40% of my arm strength when my C5 disc was degenerating. I had no idea it was compressing my spinal cord. It was also causing (almost) irreversible nerve damage. Yet I was so hard on myself in that moment and pushed through each time. Through the pain. I couldn’t bare the fact that I messed up a jump.
So my last trip to Switzerland? It was a pivotal moment in my life. People kept asking me how it went…and I was too embarrassed to share. My hand grip was so weak, I felt defeated and I could barely pull my chute.
My hands, wrists and shoulders all felt like they weren’t parts of my own body. I truly couldn’t recognise them.
So yes I failed a lot. And I pushed through a lot of pain. What a lesson that was.
Right now I am in the process of rebuilding. Not just my body but my mind.
And this is a reminder that failure is just practice in disguise. And it’s a teacher to help us tune in to our bodies, learn self acceptance and give our bodies grace -
Naila 🤍
#skydiving #womeninspiringwomen #womeninsports #health #mentalhealth
I never knew I’d struggle this much.
The self doubt. The should haves. The 2am spiral of what if.
I came from a childhood that was shaky and uncertain. And in trying to protect her from that, I became an overthinking mom. Always wondering if I’m doing enough. Showing up enough. Being enough.
There are good days. Moments where I catch myself feeling proud (briefly). But most of the time I’m replaying how I could have done it better.
I read the books. I learn the methods. I try.
And still. Never enough.
When I lose my temper, I carry it for days. She keeps challenging me lately, which keeps showing me how much I still have to heal in myself.
I’ve been practicing loosening my grip. Letting go a little. But It’s hard.
This week I’m taking 5 days to myself,something I planned months ago, and all I feel is guilt for leaving her.
So yeah I don’t have the answers.
But if you feel this way too …I see you. 🥹
Almost didn’t take her!!
When @bastionaviation invited us to see Hoedspruit from above, my first instinct was to find a babysitter.
So many “what ifs.”
But I said yes anyway.
And the whole experience taught me something huge…
She doesn’t learn the most when I try to control everything.
She learns when I loosen my grip.
And guess what she loved every second. More on my stories 😬
I’ve been quiet. Navigating a big creative block. Not because nothing was happening, but because I kept waiting for the right moment to share it. Every time something big happened I told myself next time I’ll have a better photo, the right words, a cleaner way to explain it. So I waited.
And while I was waiting… life was still happening. My life was changing fast. I moved. I went through things as a mom that changed me. I had surgery. I kept growing. And none of it made it here on my page. Not because it didn’t matter, but because it didn’t feel ready.
Being forced to slow down made me see something I can’t unsee. I fall in love with something, go all in, burn out, disappear… and then start again. I’ve lived in that cycle for longer than I realised. Always chasing something full, but not actually letting myself feel it while I’m in it.
And right now, I honestly feel more lost than I ever have. But for the first time, it feels real. No perfect photo, no perfectly timed moment… just me, not waiting anymore.
Swipe for the breakdown of my experience 👆🏾 I think this might be one of the biggest lessons life has ever taught me. Like the fact that I allowed myself to get here by masking how I felt is crazy!! It really showed me how trauma and feeling like a burden in childhood can show up in life as an adult. So grateful to have had this surgery! 😓 thank you all for the kind messages and well wishes I’m thankful for anyone who took the time to write to me!
And ask me anything in the comments if this is something you might be considering 👇🏽 #recovery #spinesurgery #journey
So this was my favourite birthday surprise to date!! The second video shows how truly unexpected this was for me 🥹 it started with me thinking Sam is taking Cali and me to the beach nearby and next thing I know we’re an hour out of Dubai arriving at @away.ae and my best friend is there waiting! I’m honestly so grateful for the long journey that has brought me to my people! The more I grow the more I value intentional time with my tight circle who have shown up for me, inspired me, pushed me and supported me through the most important moments ❤️ I couldn’t ask for anything more. I love you guys! Here’s to going deeper in the 30s 🥂 🤣 #birthday #getaway #dubai #bestplacestogo
