âWho do you love the most? Me or Yrsaâ Edith asked me, scared sheâd been replaced.
For most of my life, I believed love could run out. That it was fragile. Conditional.
August 9th, Fenjah and I welcomed our daughter, Yrsa Sol. And suddenly Edith, whoâs been my world for 9,5 years, became a big sister.
That night, I told her:
âMy love isnât like a piece of cake that gets smaller when I share it. I donât love you less now, Edith - I love you both more than ever. My love is in abundanceâ
That answer wasnât just for her. It was for me, too. A reminder.
Because I know what itâs like to grow up with love that felt conditional.
Where silence was called respect.
Where fear was dressed up as loyalty.
Where being provided for was mistaken for being parented.
I know what itâs like to doubt yourself before you ever learn how to trust yourself.
To be told youâre âtoo sensitive,â âtoo much,â or âungrateful.â
To learn that staying quiet felt safer than speaking your truth.
But that cycle ends here.
For Edith. For Yrsa. For Fenjah. For the family weâre building now. Without those who hurt us.
In our home, love wonât vanish if youâre angry, loud, or full of questions.
It wonât be tied to silence, fear,guilt or even punishment.
Here, love is safe.
Here, love is true.
Here, love is unconditional. đ
This isnât easy to writeâŚ.
A year, six months, and nineteen days without alcohol or substances.
It wasnât about willpowerâŚ
It was about finally being too tired to keep running.
After a lifetime of numbing and escaping, I reached a point where the truth hurt less than the lie I was living.
Where I couldnât keep blaming anyone else, even if I had every reason to.
I had to look at myself.
The more I ran from my emotions, the more the universe kept placing mirrors in front of me.
Different faces, same patterns.
It was like life kept sending the same lesson until I was finally ready to feel what Iâd spent years avoiding.
I used to think taking responsibility meant carrying the blame.
But for me, it meant breaking a cycle.
Walking away from what hurt, even when it was all Iâd ever known.
The hardest part wasnât putting down the drink.
It was facing the reasons I ever needed one.
Old stories. Deep wounds. Loyalties that quietly stole pieces of me. Abuse.
Reasons I ran from, didnât acknowledge, or thought were normal
probably because the ones closest to me convinced me that they were.
Or made me believe I was the problem, âtoo sensitive,â âtoo much,â always âoverreacting.â
I learned to doubt myself before I even had the chance to trust myself.
If I cried, I was dramatic. If I was angry, I was disrespectful.
If I asked questions, I was ungrateful.
So eventually, I just stopped speaking up, because it felt safer to be quiet than to be shamed.
Some ties had to be cut so the next generation didnât have to experience the same as me.
Getting clean gave me back my life.
But it also gave me something I never experienced:
Serenity, clarity, and a sense of self, all things stolen from an early age.
And every day, I do my best to stay on this path,
not perfectly, just honestly; to myself and the ones I love.
There is peace on the other side.
If this resonates with you, I feel for you, and youâre not alone.
If it doesnât, thank you for taking the time to read.
Tak for at gøre mit liv let, legende, kĂŚrligt og trygt â og nu for at berige det med et lille mirakel. Jeg elsker dig uendeligt og er dybt taknemmelig for dig. Min grønøjede vĂŚdder @fenjah_ đâ¤ď¸
Feelinâ blessed and empowered after this weekendâs journey! đ Finished my first obstacle course race â 5km in sand and 25 obstacles! Plus, shared beautiful moments connecting over archery with amazing new friends. This weekend wasnât just about physical challenges; it was a spiritual awakening. Despite many years of hardships, Iâve emerged stronger, guided by self-trust and self-discovery. Grateful for the support of my family and friends. Started a new job as âhead of creativeâ - and canât wait to see where it takes me. #lettinggo #trust #selflove
