Matt Orr

🌴 🌊🌴

End of summer

Proof of life

2 years sober ✨

You were loud, goofy, hilarious, grumpy, smart, loving and a huge pain in the ass. I loved every bit of you from the moment I met you. We never had a dull moment, we wrestled, we laughed and we made Gabby’s life hell. You kept me up late, you annoyed the hell out of me and you made me laugh harder than I ever thought I could. I wish we had more time brother. Everyone who knew you does. No amount of missing you will ever be enough. I’ll love you until the end of time Aaron. Goodbye for now. Thank you for everything.

Smile like you mean it

Last few months. Happy Halloween 🎃 🎰

July 2024 First Jezter run ruled. Friends, shows and food. Khasm is the best band in the world. I love bringing my friends to Florida.

Reflecting on a year completely sober is something past versions of myself would’ve told you was never necessary let alone possible. Over the last year I’ve really haven’t felt the need to talk much of it to anyone that didn’t ask. It was my struggle and I felt like it was mine to take on. My friends and loved ones were there when I needed them and I am so grateful for that. I know how lucky I am to have them I try so hard not to take that for granted. I spent a long time believing I was just enjoying my time. Downplaying and ignoring obvious struggles glaring at me in the mirror. I wrote myself off and believed I was fine the way I was. I convinced myself I wasn’t getting in my own way. I believed I was keeping myself together but the truth is I wasn’t together. I wasn’t content with who I was. I was hiding behind a wall I built around myself for nearly a decade. Feeling more and more trapped everyday. Seeing a way out but feeling too stuck to get there. I yearned for the parts of myself I remembered being and longed for the excitement toward life I remembered having. I knew a better version of myself existed. I wanted more than anything to be that version. Getting sober was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It broke me down in ways I never thought possible. Forced to face emotions and feelings I believed I could go my entire life without facing. And all I can say is I wish I would’ve done it sooner. Stupid and cliché as it is. The hardest part for me has always been thinking about time. How fast it moves. How little of it we all have. How easy it is to take for granted. It’s the hardest for me to not to dwell on time I wish I could have back. Moments and memories I wish I could relive. Relationships with people I wish I was more present in. But rebuilding with people, friends and loved ones unfortunately only comes with time. Rebuilding trust and dependency comes with being present and accountable to them. Something that seemed so difficult but gets easier everyday. I write this because I am proud of myself. Proud of the work I’ve done to get here. I am thankful for my life and the people I have in it. You all mean so much to me.

NJ / NY / CT

Jezter Day was a success