Love Salt Light

Mark has this way of reading my facial expressions to a tee - He always says “you look like you’re thinking this..” Or he can just tell when my mind is preoccupied with something else. And when he notices, he always asks. He basically gets it right before I’ve even opened my mouth. “Tell me three things that are on your mind.” “Tell me more..” he says. He gently pushes me to offload my heart and not give an easy “I’m fine” answer. I love the notion of being a student of our spouse. It’s easy to figure it out in the early days when you’re all starry eyed and then repeat indefinitely but I can assure you, your spouse has changed dramatically since you met them. So are you stopping to take it all in? Are you changing how you respond? Noticing the new subtle habits or ways they express feelings, the body language that needs a response, knowing what they are not saying with their silence? Just a little reminder to take time to study them again and see what new things you observe. Don’t let yourself get comfortable #growyourlove

Awhile back we watched a YouTube series called What Happy Couples Know. One big part of what it focuses on is expectations and the danger of them in a marriage. We particularly loved the “debt/debtor” analogy. It can be dangerous when you begin to have this mindset- that your spouse owes you things. This is because it causes gratitude to be minimal. Take the example of owing someone money. If you OWE me $100, and then later you give me $100 as a gift, I probably won’t feel very grateful or be as thankful for that gift as you owed that to me anyway. So in a marriage, if I have the expectation that Mark should behave a certain way or do certain things, when he does them, I’m going to be less grateful that he did them because I believe he owed it to me in the first place. Ie) if I believe he OWES me to put the kids to bed because I’ve had them all day, then when he does this, I could be less grateful because I believed he should have anyway. In other words, you should be doing things for your spouse without believing you are owed things in return. One thing that’s been a challenge for me in recent years is not getting into a mindset that because I look after the kids full time, that I work harder around the clock therefore deserve more break time than Mark does. It’s easy to slip into the expectation that because I’m a stay at home Mum, Mark “owes” me to do lots of the kid stuff when he IS home, or that I deserve more nights out w friends, more alone time etc. This is not true and it only breeds resentment towards your spouse. Seeing us as equals and that I owe him everything, and he owes me NOTHING, is the best way to show him gratitude. It’s the easy route to let a bad attitude about an expectation bring down an evening, day, week or even month - but all that creates is distance. Put in the hard work to check yourself, your outlook, your attitude and expectations and you can reap the benefits of a healthier growing and adapting relationship!! 🧡Is there something in your heart that’s inhibiting gratitude to your spouse because you feel they OWE you something? Reflect and redirect that today #growyourlove

Starting off the week with one for the fellas today. Try one, try all and see if it sparks a little more connection 💛 #growyourlove

This might just look like a cup of tea but to us it’s 18 years of communicating. Our 9pm tea time. What we started as 16 and 17 years olds as a way to linger longer at each other’s homes when we would visit is now an integral cornerstone to our relationship. Whether we have made time for each other during the day or not, we will always come together at 9pm, stopping what we are doing, to chat or just sit together. Every. Single. Day. I can’t even describe the invaluable conversations we’ve had over these teas but it’s our sacred time. Even the act of making it, lovingly for each other, maybe often reheated or left cold in the newborn haze, but always made - with love and the intention of communicating; I love you and I want to spend time with you. Find a way that is uniquely you and start doing it together from today. Do it often and do it regardless of circumstances. If it brings you together on a daily basis, then it’s worth far more than just a cup of tea ☕️🧡 #growyourlove

Starting a new week with some quick encouragement for us ladies. I’m always challenging myself on how I can show my love to Mark, aside from just telling him. #growyourlove

Sometimes just the opening comment will make or break the whole dialogue - if you come in attacking or seeking a discussion can greatly influence the end result. Let us know if this is helpful 💛 #growyourlove #marriage

Days of celebration where expectations and emotions are high can often also simultaneously bring disconnect and disappointment. Husband thinks he’s done amazing with one area, wife was expecting another. She appears ungrateful or withdrawn, you’re left confused and frustrated. You’re not quite seeing eye to eye on how the day was approached and things have gone south. Whilst Mother’s Day isn’t directly related to marriage you might be thinking, if you’re married with kids it’s more linked than you think. We’re sharing a little story from our experience as I know I’m not alone when it comes to expectations versus reality on these special occasions. So here’s some little tips on approaching this day from the perspective of seeing it as an opportunity to lovingly celebrate your spouse. 💛Considering your spouse’s love languages can really make all the difference. Would acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts or quality time speak deeper to my wife? 💛Have you communicated expectations prior? Have some open discussions leading up to ensure you’re on the same page. Eg) kids homemade gifts or are we doing proper presents? 💛Surprises aren’t always better or appreciated. It’s your job to know if she would love it or hate it 💛Being organised early and considering logistics and back up plans will always be helpful especially if kids are involved 💛Finding ways to reduce her mental load on this day can speak more volumes than lavish gifts or experiences 💛If the kids are little, most of all she needs YOU to help shine the light on all her strengths and unseen efforts #growyourlove #marriage #mothersday

The beautiful thing about prayer is God hears our heart in a way our words can’t express. That’s why a prayerless marriage is a powerless marriage. Years ago, I had been quite hurt by something Mark did. I was moving towards forgiveness but I also felt like I needed an actual act of love/kindness from him to help heal my heart. But I had no idea what I was wanting, I just knew I needed him to DO something. So I prayed. And asked God to help Mark find the right action that would communicate that feeling to me. Later I found out, he’d been praying the same thing for himself - that he’d be led to the right action to show his love for me. And so God answered big time. Mark did something that spoke SO much more to me than words ever could have. God gave him the idea and it was exactly what I needed! I actually laughed when he said he planned this thing as my heart was like YES, that’s what I didn’t know I needed from you. If we both hadn’t of prayed over the situation, asking for that wisdom that was not from us - we’d probably be going around in hurt circles and taking much longer to move forward from the issue. When you’re not sure what to do in your marriage, if there’s one thing we can encourage you to do - it’s pray!! #growyourlove

Is honor overdue? Honour means to regard with high respect. It also means to fulfill an agreement. This question is more for self reflection but maybe it’ll call for an open conversation, an apology or discussion afterwards about ways things can get better. When was the last time you showed honour to your spouse? Would your spouse be shocked if you suddenly did something that showed them your respect and admiration for them? Would they be totally gobsmacked if they heard you speak about them in a honorable way in public? A value we hope to instill in our family is “we treat each other better than our best friend” - this little thought helps us and hopefully our children one day, to and stop and think would that behaviour/action be ok if it was directed at my best friend? You might think twice before you make that comment, speak in that tone or treat them that way because generally we want to show kindness and respect to our best friend and protect the relationship. Somehow though the value placed on our relationship with our spouse can fall very short of this. If you’re married, when you made your vows to each other you made an agreement to honour your spouse everyday. Check in with yourself and see if there’s anything you can change to #growyourlove

Marriage can get a little worse or a little better each day. The subtle downhill drift begins when you do the same thing, month in and month out. Predictability can be a big problem in a dull marriage. So what can you do today or this coming weekend to make things interesting?! Maybe eat your breaky outdoors on the beach, go on a mini hike and pack a picnic lunch, get up and watch the sunrise together with a coffee, maybe have a $20 dinner cook up challenge or plan a little surprise for your spouse around the house that they wouldn’t expect!! Go and do something that is new for you guys to bring the spark. Swipe to see our latest family update - this is absolutely NOT the level we’re meaning haha but we kind of did something new and BIG recently and updated our camping set up to this new rig to create new memories together. We’ll be trying to get away as often as we can to treasure this sweet young family season we’re in 🙌🏼 #growyourlove

Mark has this amazing way of doing very thoughtful deeds for me before I even know I need them. He is always thinking about what is coming up for me and how he can support me. His actions communicate the value he sees in my role as a stay at home mama to four. He doesn’t ever make me feel bad in my moments of challenge or days that I struggle. This is a little snapshot of what I wrote down just from the last couple of weeks but it’s a constant reminder of how selfless his thinking is and how I can better look for ways to love him better in his every day. #growyoulove If you’d love to champion your husband, tag him and tell him something you’re grateful for him doing recently x

14 years of wedding anniversaries and we’ve accidentally fallen into a little sweet rhythm that works for us - there’s no denying we are creatures of habit. We know everyone approaches anniversaries differently and some go big with babysitters and nights away, some let the day slip by with just a short acknowledgment - there’s no right or wrong. Some years it’s handmade gifts, some years it’s golden jewels. For now we celebrate with the kids alongside us in the season of wakeful babies and breastfeeding. Sure, we can’t wait for future hotel stays and getaways but we also love letting the kids see us make a fuss of this day and witnessing our love and appreciation for each other. One of my best friends calls it their “family’s birthday” and I loved that so now we do too 😌💛 #growyourlove