Happy Birthday to my Empress — you’re not just part of my life, you are my life. Everything I do, everything I build, it all comes back to you. I love you more than words could ever explain ❤️🎂
Today is one of those days where emotions don’t come in a straight line, and this is not for sympathy, but just my therapy.
My father just passed away… and what hurts the most isn’t just that he’s gone. It’s that we never got the chance to bury the hatchet. We never got to sit down as two grown men and say what needed to be said. We never got to fix what was broken. No closure. No final conversation. No understanding. Just silence that will now last forever. He wasn’t there for most of my life. And for a long time, I carried that weight. The questions. The anger. The confusion. The wondering why. I told myself I didn’t need him. I told myself I was fine without him. And in many ways, I learned how to be. But death has a way of reopening doors you thought you closed. I’m sad… but not in the way people expect. I’m not crying over memories we shared. I’m not grieving moments we had. I’m grieving the moments we never will. I’m grieving the possibility. The “maybe one day.” The thought that one day we’d talk, one day we’d understand each other, one day we’d make peace, And now that “one day” will never come. What makes it harder to explain is that I also feel… numb. Almost emotionless. Like my heart doesn’t know how to process the loss of someone who was never really present. How do you mourn someone you didn’t really know? How do you miss someone who was missing your whole life? It’s a strange kind of grief. A quiet one. A confusing one. I don’t hate him. I don’t love him. I just wish things were different. I wish we had the chance to be father and son, even if it was late. I wish we had the chance to forgive each other. I wish we had the chance to speak. Now all I can do is sit with the reality that some conversations don’t get to happen, some wounds don’t get to heal the way you hope, and some relationships end without ever truly beginning.
Rest in peace.
And to anyone carrying unresolved feelings with someone still living, don’t wait. Because the hardest thing isn’t losing someone, it’s losing the chance to make it right
