Please help me find work I am highly skilled have multiple resumes for various roles and a very detailed artist CV. I hope one of my near 5k followers can help me find some sort of work of any kind!
Some dolls with some messages for the girls constantly confronting the patriarchal psyche out machine today and every day.
So many women are conditioned into chronic self doubt, especially when we actually begin trying to transform our lives. We are surrounded by people more invested in humiliating, gatekeeping, infantilizing, pathologizing, or āanalyzingā us than simply being calm, supportive, respectful, and encouraging.
For many girls raised in violent or codependent homes, āconcernā came fused with alcoholism, chaos, punishment, screaming, humiliation, physical intimidation, invasive criticism, and psychological control. Many of us watched fathers terrorize mothers while presenting themselves as the rational authority despite being deeply unstable and destructive themselves.
That kind of environment creates an inner world where doubt starts masquerading as truth. Then many of us unconsciously end up in relationships and communities that reproduce the same dynamic.
As someone newly diagnosed with OCD, it has been both devastating and liberating to realize how many of my obsessive fears about my abilities, worth, morality, or future were intensified by years of trauma, hypercriticism, abuse, and psychological destabilization rather than objective reality. I have spent years trapped in a fear and doubt matrix where every step forward felt haunted by catastrophic self analysis and terroristic inner scrutiny.
I still carry the ghost of my father in my head sometimes critiquing everything I do with predatory āconcern,ā humiliation, and control. But I am beginning to understand that many people who present themselves as the voice of realism, reason, or responsibility are themselves intensely chaotic and destabilizing. Genuine care does not sound like degradation. Real concern is calm, respectful, practical, and actually helpful.
Most people do not need more humiliation in order to grow. Most of us are already carrying enough fear.
Most of us just want the space to become.
My art mind and body have been in targeted war mode for many years at this point. I am feeling a need for peace overall as Iām trying to make changes in my life that require a lot of patience and care but also strategy simultaneously. These are some images of various pieces of art from 2021, when my practice was capturing a dignified beauty that was the essence of safety for me.
Iāve stared into the face of a certain shape of rapist evil for a long time now, very starkly and directly seeing things I canāt unsee and knowing things I canāt unknow. Wishing I could share it all but must remain partially silent. the pressure almost destroyed me. Trying to figure it all out, I wonder if you know what Iām talking about?
I know some do. Iām burnt out, charred and hissing while trying to move and create a shape of a life that feels triumphant over the violence while also contending with the harshness of its charring materialism both nuerobiologically and economically.
However I remember there were things I did to create this peace before, that I already have done it and know what to do. Using texture to create sanctuary is a thing I think many people know about and do for themselves as well. This is why we make altars and rituals.
War mode needs the balance of sensory peace to feel sustainable. The difference between then and now is that I trust myself fully with what I know and see. That means that back and forth are easier to manage in many ways and over all if I can focus on this peace as sanctuary even in moments a more full balance can come into place. The process of understanding and accepting the intricate often veiled layers of violence and cycles of abuse has also
Equipped me.
I feel an intense and clear precision. The rapist can no longer covertly spread. He is trapped beneath glass, surrounded by a black slick of a black hole with nowhere to go except to be obliterated into anti matter over powered by the full force of energy in motion that is goddess that is the lifedrive
I planted some wild flower seeds tonight and feel something coming back to me.
Plz congratulate me I got a normal job today Iām so happy my entire life is changed. I will be documenting the transition out of the s industry into normie job so stay tuned. Itās funny how when your life is chaotic and intense your liberation comes through structure and stability, shit is dialectical like that ;)
Alright Iām feeling inspired continuously through editing the video of the execution, writing the report back and seeing more and more of these videos of other artists all over the world burning and obliterating their own satanic effigies of power.
We have to make something here, something even more epic, larger than life! Letās collaborate and see what we can do with a next to nothing budget and a lot of spiritual materialist ritual zeal.
Let me know if this sounds fun to you!!
Full library of 230+ images of schizofeminism performance number 2 outside of Jeffery Epsteins satanic cathedral taken by @winteremains up on Schizofeminism.com link in bio
230 images from the Schizofeminist Performance from January up on the Schizofeminism.com website and a proto report back up on Aliceās substack @lifedrive____
Happy 2nd blizzard from me and Walter tell me if this video has positive ASMR effects on you and Iāll try to make some more :) #asmr #blizzard #bordercollie #walterbenjamin #freshsnow
