MMXXVI. She been a v intense year so far in the business of heartbreaking and soul-strengthening for our little family. In my eternal effort to stay soft up against life’s hard edges, I booked Moni et moi a scrappy campsite for way too many nights in Palo Duro Canyon, so we could screech away from our stresses of late and hike the pain away. Because I love her more than moonlight and we had some serious decompressing + reconnecting to do.
Please witness + siphon inspiration from this gorgeous landscape, one we scrabbled around on for several days until we caught our slow breath again.
The wind kicked up a sleeplessness-inducing opera in our tent every night, and it ended up being too spicy out for the overtime I like to put in on a trail each day, but overall: mission accomplished. Also, I’m a lil late on my base tan this spring, don’t judge.
Tuning in a couple days late to file my annual Enchanted Rock solar rotation report, the hiking + camping portion of which happened late last week, because I was busy this weekend maaaaan. 💋 48 years PHEW BOI. 33,241 steps in 24 hrs. Traipsin around in the woods solo like that is good medicine when you need to answer to yourself, and I been doin a hell of a lot of that lately.
Loose grip on the reigns this time compared to last year, felt like I’d been grasping for my life for a while. My physical body is stronger, more mobile. I have so much more progress to make with regard to mobility and chronic pain, and I look forward to the work. My mind is more calm, steady, in the face of so much more to stress about. In the hot lava core of a major shift, v needed and much welcomed.
I finally saw myself in a self-portrait (thirst trappin for self-love, mkay) a couple weeks ago on top of a mountain in NM. And I’ve been able to really see myself in mirrors since, for the first time since age claimed the top of my head and I thought, mistakingly, scrambled apart my carefully cobbled identity as a tough and calloused, fashionably femme trans man.
I’m a middle aged trans dude. I’ve spent my entire life making sense of my own reflection. And while I knew it would take time to find me again this time around, I didn’t realize just how much, and how little control I had over the speed of the process.
Sweet Bobbie made me start my bday radius halfway thru Oct when she took me to Ojo, and I’ve been spending time gettin right w my soul since. I could tell you everything the epic walks in nature of late told me, but that’s another post. Only so many run-on sentences I can fit here and gurl, you know that shit was deep. Holler at ur boi.
So, for inspiration’s sake, I present some greatest hits from last week’s solo romp deep in mama nature, to coax you outside for a nervous system reset of your own. The vibe was a whole lot of Grupo Ofá, Pharoah, Teyana, Moses Sumney, Sade, and Tracy’s Crossroads because I’m still a woo woo Gen X lesbian before anything else.
As always: if you know me, I love you.
Welp, I outlived Rusty but no shocker there. IYKYK. 47 Rotationz. More than halfway to where Betty, Marvin and Rena got to. I climbed up on that pink rock again to go to church with Ms. Hill, Mz. Badu and Nina, and an old notebook bc I’m still a closeted poet. I put a razor directly against the skin on top my head the other day for the first time, to fully embrace it- the changes age will heap on u whether u ready or not. Get some sun on my bald azz head while the turkey vultures up here put on a damn show. Time don’t care whether ur shoulders are primed for the burdens or not. Life will lay it on u and u gots to lean on ur people and ur ancestors for support no matter how badass u iz. I’m comin up out a lil rough patch FRFR. Maybe we all iz. I miss y’all and I miss myself. But u know I luv an easy marker, like the anniversary of birth, to be an epic, pivotal moment to get a handle on my life. WOOF. We got this.
If you know me, I love you. ❤️
On this National Stepfamily Day, please enjoy one of my world famous heart wrenching gay rants up there 👆in the slides about how most of y’all don’t be giving Stepdaddy aka @real_gold and other folks, who step in and do the v important work of raising up humans they may not have brought into this world but who need their love all the same, the flowers they v much deserve. Y’all know I could keep goin but I got other shit to do.
This is your day, Stepdaddy. We love you and we see you. ❤️
Issa oldish photo but soooo beyond deep dish extra spicy proud of my number one ride or die Tropical Bae @real_gold for planting her feet more firmly in her purpose and taking control of her life exactly 2 years ago today when she chose to embrace 100% sobriety and swan dive into the life long process of finding + knowing herself FRFR. You are our champion, Moni. We are so proud of you and inspired by you, Stepdaddy. Deep Love and Respect 💯 for your unwavering commitment to yourself. Congratulationz. ❤️❤️❤️
Happy 39th Rotaysh to @real_gold Tropical BAE, everyone’s favorite beach breaux, number one hawt dawgie grill daddy lady hunk, maker of beautiful things and lover of burgers, shrimp and crispy N/A beerz, who literally turns into a mermaid when she’s in water, and wakes up at 1,000 am to go to yoga classes/hulk out at the gym more days a week than is reasonable for a human with so many other responsibilities. Nobody who ever spent any time around this one ever been hungry long for some good grub or the feelin that they belong. We love you Moni. ❤️
Celebrated the exact completion of my 46th rotation with this precious chunk of my immediate gay family yesterday in my favorite Texas city, SA. Yez I said it. I ate homemade waffles, enchiladas with an egg on em, guava and cherry pastries, fried pollo, and bought a couple pairs of dirty old wranglers for $7, and got sweet messages from all the babies, and even tho I was sick it was all the chill magic and tiny opulences I needed to pass out early AF and not even care. As always, if you know me, I love you.
Maaaaaaan I’m a lil late cuz I been sidewayz on the sofa watchin Dolly movies in a robitussen haze sick as a dawgie all week BUT Tropical Bae @real_gold had a solid azz art show opening last weekend w @heymurphy and @kellybreez and it was magique, fam vibes was thicc, Frito Pie was flowin, and of course the night eventually devolved into Lesbian Leg Wrestling™️ bc pourquoi pas?
Show is still up at @massgallery thru mid February so run ur tailz on over der and peep that juicy majesty.
Well, we did the dang thang. 22 beautiful humans, 8 dogs, 100 bags of ice, 12 cheese-centric dishes, and a fire that burned for 24 straight hours. ‘Twas a blur of loud music, hot gamblin, dirt(y) dancin, terrible karaoke, a nonstop cacophony of gunfire + fireworks, way more food + drinkz than was ever gon get eaten + drank- I mean the literal only thing we didn’t have enough of was sleep. I didn’t take enough photos and nearly every one I did take was blurry AF, which is a testiment to being in the moment I guess. Good thing ze legendary @bethcita had that 📸 out. My feral gay heart is full to the brim- I just really love y’all. ❤️ Happy New Year, mes chers. To ze new beginningz, restartz, resetz, and rebirthz we all need, lez go get us some fresh happiness.
Greetings from the tippy top of my exact completion of 45 v homosexual years, on a roof, in the middle of nowheres, staving off the early a.m. chill in my patented Clam Bake Glitter Ranch 3rd Annual Red Birthday Sweater™️, sporting some exceptionally strong pointer fingerz.
As alwayz, if you know me, I love you. ❤️
And! A potent half moon from the rooftop bathtub that forced a little healin on me I’d been resisting, and my hawt husband who BBQed me vegetables in a bikini last night and made this whole thing happen pour moi. And a toilet in a food picture it’s whatever.
I don’t know that there is any other single force on this earth besides her who ever taught me more about how to actually and actively love, in every sense of the word. Her words gave me permission and motivation to put all the genuine teachings on love I received from my family, friends, lovers, and community into practice. She taught me to think deeply and critically about the world in a way I had previously not believed myself privileged enough to. She taught me to really sit down and listen, and to stay thirsty for more of it. Our elders are departing this world, y’all. If you got something meaningful you need to do or say or write, now is the time to do it. And if you haven’t already made your way towards the work of bell hooks I would suggest you amend your situation immediately. 💔💔💔
