Hey, I’m Shaun. I’m a regular chap, just trying to navigate life without getting too many b*llockings from my wife.
Jenna and I have been together since 2009, married since 2013. We’ve had a few challenges along the way, but shared way more laughs, and grown stronger through it all.
Our path took an unexpected turn in 2018 when I was diagnosed with male factor infertility - Azoospermia. We’d been trying to grow our family throughout 2017, and neither of us could have ever been prepared for that life changing news.
We eventually chose to pursue our dream of becoming parents by using donor sperm, and in February 2021 we were blessed with the arrival of our twins Ray & Evelyn. Where there was once a huge void in our hearts, there is now a life full of love, laughter, and of course - meltdowns.
But the intervening years were the hardest of my life. I felt the overbearing weight of this struggle:
The pain and grief that infertility brings.
Having my identity as a man turned on its head.
The societal misconceptions that surround male infertility.
And I was facing this alone, with no other men talking about it at the time. I couldn’t find the support I so desperately needed.
And that’s why I now share my story. Because the power of authentic sharing is immeasurable. It shatters taboos, breaks down walls, and lets others know they’re not alone.
Infertility doesn’t define me, but it has reshaped my perspective and given me a unique purpose. That purpose being to help others navigate the sh*t storm of struggling to conceive.
So, welcome. This page is a mix of family life, as well as my honest thoughts and perceptions around male infertility and donor conception. If you’re looking for support, check out the other pinned posts.
#malefertility #maleinfertility #malefertilityawarness #malefertilitysupport #infertility
You often don’t realise how much you are carrying until it bubbles to the surface.
For a lot of men, infertility is not just a medical issue. It’s something much deeper.
It starts to shape how you see yourself
How you show up in your relationship
What you say, or more commonly, what you don’t say
And over time, it can turn into pressure, self-blame, and a loss of identity.
That’s why I trained as an accredited coach, to help men navigate this and find a way forward.
What I see time and time again is that most men are not struggling because they are failing in any way.
They are struggling because they have never been given the space to process any of it properly.
They are expected to hold it together, and be strong for everyone else, even when they are not ok themselves.
That is where this work starts.
Not with fixing everything overnight, but with understanding what is going on beneath the surface.
Learning how to explore this, and finding a way forward that actually feels manageable.
If any part of this felt familiar, you are not the only one going through it.
And you do not have to figure it out on your own.
If you want to explore coaching, you can find more details via the link in my bio, or just send me a message.
No pressure, no expectations, just a conversation at your pace.
#malefertility #maleinfertility #malefertilityawarness #malefertilitysupport #infertility
For too long, men navigating fertility struggles have had nowhere to go, so they have done it quietly.
Carrying it themselves, trying to hold things together, without a space to talk about what is really going on.
Ciaran and I both experienced that first-hand, which is exactly why we created @nexysfertility , with the sole purpose of giving other men what we wish we had when we were going through it.
A place to talk, to listen, and to feel less alone.
Alongside the community itself, we also bring in expert input through webinars and conversations with fertility specialists, helping to cut through the misinformation that is so common online and giving men clear, reliable guidance throughout their journey.
There are different ways to be part of it.
Some men start by listening to the podcast.
Others join the WhatsApp group.
Some come to a meet-up when the time feels right, whether that’s online or in person.
There is no right way to be involved. It is simply a space that is there when you need it.
If this feels relevant to you, or to someone close to you, you are very welcome here.
You can find everything via the link in my bio, or just send me a message.
No pressure, just an open door and a place to belong.
#malefertility #maleinfertility #malefertilityawarness #malefertilitysupport #infertility
When in the deepest of doldrums that was facing male infertility, one thing I really wrestled with was my self worth. Our notion of self worth is at the core of our very selves – our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are ultimately tied into how we view our worthiness, and in my case, my value as a man.
Unbeknownst to me, a lot of my identity as a man was wrapped up in being able to produce sperm.
A major part of my healing process came from recognising my internal preconceptions, challenging them, and being able to move past them, knowing that I was worth a lot more than just my ability to produce biological matter.
I realised that I was doing two things; comparing myself to others, and apportioning an unfair level of blame to myself. This was not a healthy way of approaching something that was ultimately out of my control.
I found that asking myself better questions helped in establishing exactly what I was about, and who I was at the core. Questions such as:
“Who am I?”
“Who am I to others?”
“What passions do I possess?”
“What are my values?”
“What are the best aspects of ME?”
Once I had the answers, it was clear to me that those are the things that make me who I am, and those are the things that are important to pass onto my children. Not my genetics. Self worth comes from when you fully understand who you are, and the strong potential you possess as a father. Infertility does not change nor define that.
Ultimately, a true sense of self worth comes from self love. Not in a narcissistic way, but in the sense of truly having a deep respect and acceptance of who you are. Acceptance of yourself, despite your flaws and weaknesses. Knowing your true value as a man. You, and only you, hold the power to respond to your circumstances.
Someone who made the point I’m getting at far more succinctly and poetically than I ever could is Richard Ashcroft in The Verve’s song, Lucky Man:
Happiness, something in my own place
I’m stood here naked, I smile and I feel no disgrace
With who I am
…
But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind.
#maleinfertility #malefertility #infer
Male factor infertility affects both people in the relationship.
The support we offer now reflects that.
This month at NeXYs, alongside our regular Men’s Support Group, we are also bringing back our Couples Support Group after such a positive response to the first session.
One thing became very clear afterwards:
People needed it.
Here’s what some of the men in our community said after attending with their partners:
“𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭”
“𝘍𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦”
“𝘞𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘥”
“𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦”
Fertility struggles affect couples together, and sometimes just hearing other people voice the thoughts you have both been carrying privately can make a huge difference.
🗓️ Monday 11th May, 8pm
Men’s Online Support Group
🗓️ Thursday 21st May, 8pm
Couples Online Support Group
🔗 Register via the link in our bio
Today is International Donor Conception Awareness Day.
To mark it, I had the privilege of having a conversation with Rebecca Coxon.
Rebecca is the author of Inconceivable. She discovered in her late twenties that she was donor conceived, went on to donate her own eggs, and later faced infertility herself.
As a donor recipient father, hearing voices like Rebecca’s is vital for me. Once you make this choice, it does not sit in the past. It’s my very much my present, and of course my future too.
Hearing perspectives from someone who has lived it from the other side brings a lot of reassurance and clarity.
Rebecca’s story was both touching and empowering to hear first hand, and I found myself getting emotional at points.
In this clip, Rebecca shares her advice for anyone who is already a donor recipient parent, or considering this path. The full chat is available on the NeXYs fertility YouTube channel.
Her book Inconceivable is out now, available online and in store.
If you are navigating this, or supporting someone who is, this is a conversation is a must listen
#donorconception #spermdonation #maleinfertility #malefertility #malefertilitysupport
Something new is coming from @nexysfertility — and this one is for both of you 💛
NeXYs was created to fill a long-overlooked gap for men in fertility support. But one message keeps coming up from the incredible guys in our community:
“Our partners could really do with support like this too”.
So let’s make it happen.
Fertility struggles don’t happen in isolation. They affect both people in the relationship, and both deserve real support.
That’s why we’re launching our very first Couples Online Fertility Support Group — a safe, understanding space for couples navigating this journey together.
A chance to connect with others who truly get it, and to strengthen how you support one another through it.
📅 Monday 27th April
⏰ 8:00pm BST
💻 Online via Microsoft Teams — link in bio
Because when both partners feel supported, you’re better equipped to face this together.
We’d love to see you there 🤍
#malefertility #malefertilitysupport #fertilitysupport #infertility #maleinfertility
There was a point in my fertility journey where I hit rock bottom.
I didn’t recognise myself. My identity felt lost. My self-worth had taken a hit, and I wasn’t getting much joy out of life.
And when you’re in that place, everything feels out of your control.
Appointments. Results. Waiting. Uncertainty.
So I realised something.
If things were going to change, I had to take some control back. And that meant doing the work myself, in small ways, every day.
I built a system around three pillars:
Myself
My relationship
My home
Three areas that existed every single day, no matter what.
The rule was simple….each day, do something to improve one of them.
For myself, that meant things like exercising - even if just a walk, getting outside, journaling, reading, or talking. And by talking, I don’t mean small talk. I mean opening up to someone who understands. A friend, a professional, or a community.
For my relationship, it meant being present. Talking openly, listening without trying to fix everything, spending time together, and showing appreciation.
For my home, it was about creating order. Tidying a space, fixing something I’d been putting off for ages, or doing something small that made home feel better to be in.
Some days I did more than one. Some days I did something for all three. But one was always enough.
And that consistency started to compound.
Small wins.
A sense of progress.
A bit of control in a situation that often feels uncontrollable.
Over time, that built back into something bigger.
My identity.
If you’re in that place right now, don’t try to fix everything at once.
Just start with one thing.
What are your pillars?
What’s one small thing you can do today?
#malefertility #maleinfertility #infertility #malefertilityawareness #malefertilitysupport
There was a point in our journey where the conversation shifted from “what next?” to “what if?”
What if no sperm were found?
We’d spent years focused on the next step. Staying present made it easier to navigate, even though we always knew the end goal.
But as the likelihood of retrieving my own sperm became smaller, the uncertainty grew. And that meant Jenna and I had to start talking seriously about donor conception.
And like it does for many considering alternative routes to parenthood, one question rings the loudest:
Would I feel connected to a child that isn’t biologically mine?
It’s a valid question, and a heavy one that needs real exploration.
For me, the answer came from looking more intentionally at my own life and family. I realised I already had the evidence - I just hadn’t seen it.
My paternal grandfather wasn’t biologically related to me. But that never mattered. He was just my grandad. Present, loving, everything a grandfather should be.
I’ve got nieces and nephews on Jenna’s side who I love dearly. No DNA link there either. But the bond is real. Built over time, through shared moments.
And then there was one moment that brought it all into sharp focus.
We were on holiday in the south of France. I’d had my unsuccessful microTESE four weeks prior and was still processing everything.
A young boy’s ball kept rolling over to me. I’d throw it back. Then we started kicking it between us.
He didn’t speak English. I didn’t speak French.
But it didn’t matter. We laughed. We connected.
When the game ended, I went back to Jenna and said, “that’s what I want”.
That moment solidified everything I needed to know.
Connection isn’t built through DNA.
It’s built through presence.
Through time.
Through showing up.
We came back from that holiday and started our search for a donor.
Now, nearly seven years on from that moment, I live that reality every day with my children.
In the small moments.
In the laughter, and of course, the tears.
But most of all, in presence.
Love was never dependent on DNA.
I just needed to find the answers that had been there all along.
#maleinfertility #malefertility #donorconception #infertility #malefertilitysupport
It’s been a busy few days.
In the last week I’ve travelled to Manchester and Birmingham - racking up a decent amount of mileage from home in Cornwall.
Last Friday I spoke at the @ukneqas conference, and this Wednesday I spoke at the @seniorinfertilitynursesgroup (SING) study day.
I was there to share my story, the often unspoken side of infertility….the male side. And to talk about the work we’re now doing at @nexysfertility to support men navigating fertility challenges.
One thing that never gets lost on me when I give these talks is how different it feels delivering them in person. I could deliver the same presentation online with relatively little emotion. But standing in a room, looking into the whites of other people’s eyes, it’s a completely different experience.
There’s one slide of my presentation in particular that gets me every time….the one about the moment we received the incredible gift of our children, Ray and Evelyn.
Every single time I reach that slide in person, I really struggle to hold it together. And at the SING talk I set a new record….I broke down before I’d even got to that bit, because I knew what slide was coming next!
This is a reflection of how important human connection is. And this is why, whenever I travel for events like this, I try to tie it in with an in-person NeXYs meet while I’m there.
We did exactly that in Manchester last week, attended by some familiar faces from the community, and some new ones who had seen the event advertised.
A group of good men, sitting in a room, speaking openly about something many have carried silently for years. There is always vulnerability in the room, but also an incredible amount of strength.
And every time I see this, it reinforces why this work matters so much.
A big thank you to everyone involved in organising two wonderful events, and for the invitation to come and speak. It’s always a privilege to stand in front of practitioners who care deeply about the work they do, and to help bring the patient voice into conversations that shape fertility care.
#malefertility #malefertilityawarness #maleinfertility #infertility
Sometimes parenthood doesn’t come via the path you envisioned.
For many men, letting go of genetics can feel like losing something fundamental. We grow up with the idea that passing on our DNA is part of what it means to be a man, and a core element of what it means to be a father.
So when that isn’t possible, there can be grief. Questions about identity. Doubts about what fatherhood might look like, and fears around connection.
But I’ve learned is that fatherhood was never defined by DNA in the first place.
It’s defined by showing up. By love. By commitment. By the thousands of small moments that make up a life together.
That’s the legacy that really matters.
#donorconception #maleinfertility #infertility #malefertilitysupport #malefertility
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘅 𝗡𝗲𝗫𝗬𝘀 𝗙𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆
I’ve had the honour of speaking at @thefertilityshow for the last four years - representing the male side of fertility treatment. This year will be no different, and I will be there again. They haven’t worked out how to get rid of me yet.
Over that time, it’s been great to see how men’s perspectives have been given more visibility and prominence at The Show. Last year was the strongest yet - with numerous men talking on a variety of fertility related topics.
And importantly, @laurabiggs70 and @sophiesulehria are continuing to push this forward.
This year, the intention is not just representation, but amplification....
….and they’ve asked us at NeXYs Fertility to help do that.
So I’m really pleased to share that at this year’s Fertility Show, not only will Ciaran and I be exhibiting and involved in individual talks, 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗿𝘂𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗻’𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗲𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀, with members of our NeXYs Fertility community.
These panels will offer a place for honest conversation around male fertility, giving voice to experiences that have rarely been shared in person.
It’s a privilege to be trusted with this responsibility.
Not just by the show, but by the men who continue to share their stories, experiences, and vulnerabilities with us.
Contributing to a more honest, visible conversation around male fertility is something we’re proud to support.
