I went to Nigeria for my grandmothers funeral. She is the Matriarch, the Queen Mother of the Odiase family. Culturally, there’s a deep reverence and respect that position holds, so her home-going services must echo this fact. She passed on back in May, three months before her granddaughter was to get married in August.
Grandma wouldn’t have wanted her services to come before the wedding, so they were set for September, on my 30th birthday weekend.
My dad, his seven siblings, and all their kids, planned on attending both events, in Calgary, Canada, and in Benin City, Nigeria…my sister Bosa included.
Bosa tragically passed…days after making it back to our family reunion (on my moms side)…..which she missed two years prior, due to her Breast cancer diagnosis)
Bosa got to share her testimony on July 4th weekend (she beat breast cancer)
I wish my sister was here.
I wish my sister made it back to Nigeria.
I wish my sister made it back to Benin.
I wish my sister got the chance to spend quality time with her family.
Family that she rarely got to see.
I wish she could’ve joined in on all the fun we had. The memories we made, the bonds we forged.
The waves of grief come randomly. I notice my personality, my personal reality shifting.
Shifting towards where? I’m not sure.
I haven’t said much, and then I have said much. I feel passionate to walk in purpose, while sometimes entertaining the thought of if this even matters….
I’m not sinking in silence, I’m not hiding in private, I’m learning a new side of God that I never knew before. The side that’s able to carry me through this storm…what a season of such unexpected loss…
It makes no sense that I don’t break, day by day. It wouldn’t be bad if I did, breaking doesn’t make one weak..it’s just the fact that I legit am actually okay….Is that even okay?
Am I trying to race and runaway?
Am I suppressing this pain?
Am I posting videos, attempting to help people, while disregarding myself?
Am I burying myself in Bible study, writing to occupy my time… just to hold back the cries?
Am i entertaining lies for too long sometimes?
(continued in the comments)
NEVER LOSE YOUR CONFIDENCE
YOUR CONFIDENCE IS A CONSEQUENCE OF SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FATHER!!!!!!
GOD MADE YOU GIFTED.
USE THE GIFTS GOD HAS GIVEN YOU
#personalgrowth #selfimprovement #faith
Stop worrying. Stop stressing. Stop overthinking.
if you are the god of your life, the only thing you can count on is an ongoing headache that’ll have you popping pills or climbing hills….
you suppress or strive….its called a temporary high, or low…and that feeling has no where to go…..
you are sedating, suppressing, numbing your emotions, in order to feel nothing…
But you were never made to operate like that..
This is why you’re having thoughts you’ve never had before.
TURN TO GOD. TURN TO JESUS.
#personalgrowth #faith #mentalhealth
You’re not late. You’re not behind.
You’re right where Gods working.
KEEP WORKING.
YOUR TALENT NEEDS TO BE TESTED.
YOUR TALENT NEEDS TO BE TRAINED.
#personalgrowth #selflove
Self care is self love. Choose to love and invest in yourself.
Stop trying to do Gods job. Know your limits. You are worth way more than what you could ever achieve. I love you.
#selflove❤️ #selfcare #personalgrowth
A Mother’s Day prayer.
This was Mother’s Day last year for me and my family. The last Mother’s Day with all of us together, before the loss of my sister. These days are extremely tough and I can’t imagine how you may be feeling as you navigate this time as well…. Cherish the moments. Rest in the love of the Father. Deepen your relationship with Christ Jesus, in telling you. That’s the only way I’m still standing. I love you mom, Happy Mother’s Day! I’m ever so grateful to be your biggest youngest son. I know you miss your oldest daughter….. rest assured she’s with Our Heavenly Father. We have hope for today AND hope for eternity. Rest in peace Bosa.
Never take family time for granted. You get one family.
#prayer #family #mothersday
