justdandy

I learned this from my best friend and it changed my life. Just as thoughts are not always facts, feelings aren’t either. Today is a reminder that our emotions and thoughts are not who we are, but rather experiences that we have. It suggests that our true self is the observer or experiencer of these feelings, rather than being defined by them. By recognizing this distinction, we can have a greater sense of control over our emotions and not be completely consumed by them which can be unhealthy to our mental state and bring intrusive thoughts. Your thoughts and emotions are yours to own but they don’t describe you. For example, if you’re feeling anxious, it doesn’t mean you are anxious. It means you are experiencing the symptoms of anxiety not that you are anxiety. As these symptoms intensify, it is important to notice these sensations and become an observer of them and not a slave to them. By becoming aware of these sensations and labeling them, we can exercise choice in how we respond to them. This can bring peace and confidence to our soul. In a way, if you go into a room and someone, a complete stranger, tells you their impression of you is that you’re not smart or someone you barely know comes up and tells you you’ve put on weight and looked better before, you might have a negative emotional response but if you notice and label your emotions, it gives you a choice in how you want to respond to the situation and gives us the power to choose our response, rather than being controlled by them. By taking a moment to pause and consider both the situation and our values, we can choose our behavior with purpose. Don't let negative words from others define you, instead, reject them and live according to what you know to be true. And if what they say is not something you associate with, don’t take it, throw it out, fuck it(caps). Sending love to all of you dandyclub who needed to hear this today🧡✨

Emotional healing takes the time that it takes - which is something you cannot plan or have a deadline for. But the reminder today is to allow yourself to sit in your emotions when they arrive and this may be the hardest thing about healing because you are likely experiencing a range of deep feelings such as sadness, grief or rage. Those aren’t fun emotions and it’s tempting to want to ignore them or rush through them. It will be uncomfortable but acknowledging tough feelings is part of healing. The good news is that feelings do pass even if it doesn’t feel like they will. Not letting it overstay is a good way to look at it but it is not entirely within our control and takes time to hold our emotions well enough to heal from them and move on. We are not advocating forcing emotions out of the way just to not let it overstay - Instead, we want to help you go through the process of acknowledging, allowing, accepting, integrating, and processing painful life experiences and strong emotions with empathy, self-regulation, self-compassion, self-acceptance, mindfulness, and integration. To start off, you can ask yourself these questions: * What is it that I have to accept to make healing easier? * I am feeling ____. Why is that now? (Check in with yourself from time to time to see where you are at) * Are you ready to heal? (It is okay to not be ready, sometimes we have to take a break from our emotions or run away for a bit and that is completely valid.) * Am I willing to sit through some discomfort that may come with healing? * What will help me on my emotional healing journey? (Talking, friends, journaling etc.) * How has not yet healing served me? * What can I do to make my healing journey gentle for myself? Remember, emotional healing is not a linear journey and sometimes it might be so gradual you don’t even realise it or others might even notice it before you. But that doesn’t mean they are right. You have to hold yourself accountable and understand the internal feelings you are dealing with and know that those are your true emotions. Read on in the comment section 👇✨

Words are incredibly powerful especially in a situation where you're holding space for someone. Holding a safe, comforting space for someone requires attention, kindness, respect, energy and empathy and that can be tough for some of us especially when we too, have been through experiences on our own. When we see our loved ones in a troubled state, some of us, we get protective, we get riled up - ready to want to fix things for them. Intentions are genuine and pure but sometimes we forget that we can't always be the person to take away all the pain and when we do, we feel this surge of helplessness that comes with the urge to help but not knowing how. It's completely valid - you love this person, you don't want to see them in pain. However, when we become tunnel visioned on trying to fix the problem, it's natural to underestimate the power of simply being there. Sometimes, the other party doesn't want to be told what to do and instead, they just need you to show up, check in and feel safe and cared for. They will have an idea of what they need so asking them how they'd like for you to support them can also give you direction while holding space for them. Unless they ask for advice, hold it back and just reflect back what you hear them saying so they know they are being heard and respected. Here are just some guidelines on how to hold space for someone instead of giving unsolicited advice which could cause them to feel worse and even more drained. That being said, remember this: You don't have to fix everything to be worthy, you don't have to fix everything to be a great support and friend. And as you're navigating through these tough times as a support pillar, don't forget to look after yourself and set clear boundaries with clarity of your own values in mind - it is okay to have different opinions and perspectives at the end of the day. Lastly, if you want to be supportive but not sure how, communicate it to that person and ask them to let you know if you're not saying or doing something that is helpful for their mental state or ask them for things that could potentially trigger them in the conversation and steer clear from them.🧡💚

And, you have time. Keep on swimming, keep on climbing, you're so going to get there - Trust the process but more importantly, trust in you. Sending love to you dandyclub💚🧡 Now, send the love to someone.🥹

A very timely New Years reminder✨ Loving yourself is a continual journey that requires dedication, resilience and understanding. It is understanding that loving yourself means different things at different times as your needs shift, while still maintaining self-confidence in all aspects: emotions, decisions and being. It is to recognize your needs while distinguishing these from those of others. Self-love might mean different things for everyone - how you love yourself, which parts are left unloved, which parts need healing, which parts you just can't look at right now. And that's okay. Everyone needs different things to get to where they want to be - it could be fitness, it could be self- affirmation, it could be dates with yourself or checking in with self or journaling that help the most - do it, love yourself step by step, in baby or giant ways, they are all wins and it is a journey for you to claim and a chance to celebrate yourself at every baby step you take for yourself. And we'd like to remind you to be nice to yourself, set healthy boundaries that you are comfortable with, forgive yourself, give yourself a break from self-judgment or outward judgment and trust yourself. Who you are today, and what you need and want, is different from that person 2 months ago and maybe 3 months from now. There's no straight answer; rather take a chance with yourself and embrace the ebbs & flows while staying grounded with confidence knowing who we are in all stages of life. You're ever-evolving but at your core, you are you so give no one the power to take that away. Lastly, taking the chances to celebrate and love all the yous, can be magic.✨

We took a big fat break!!!! Dear Dandyclub, 2022 was a wild but wonderful year with lots of growth, healing and work to do. There were many core ups filled with excitement and joy but there were also the dips and the lows that felt foreign and hard. We had to set our priorities and build some boundaries, we had to listen to ourselves deep within and realised that as hard as it was, we simply needed a big fat break. We hope you did too and that this year brought you lots of core memories and joy and learnings. We hope you've taken time to sit back and enjoy life as it is and as we shift and navigate this new era, new year, we thank you for sticking around, sending us dms and showing your love despite the silence on our live feed. We appreciate all the conversations we've had and we just want to say how proud we are of our community, that we love you guys and hope that in 2023, we get to share and learn together as a whole. Let's get crackin sweeties!😘❤️ Oh, and tell us! How was your year!!!!!

Verbalising your feelings and emotions can be hard, feeling heard can be hard, listening can be hard. The different touch-points of a 2-way conversation can be difficult to navigate with different people, during different phases of your life. But at the end of the day, remember that you deserve to be heard too. Your words, your thoughts and opinions, they hold weight and they are worthwhile - you are worthwhile🦋

As Phoebe Buffay said, "I don't even have a pla..." You can change your life at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. What we are trying to say is, you have time.

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Emotional dumping can cause burn out🥵 - If you feel extremely overwhelmed after a conversation, you might be on the brunt of emotional dumping. Understanding how to differentiate between ranting and emotional dumping can help you to be more self aware when having a conversation with your loved ones so you don't overwhelm them with your feelings. More than that, it teaches you how to communicate healthily and maintain friendships without taking away too much of their energy.⚡️ For those at the other end, you can also help your friend and yourself by learning how to set boundaries so you don't get burned out and your friendship and intimacy level remains healthy. Lastly, remember that if you're bringing up a sensitive or triggering topic, check in with your friends first as it is giving respect and being considerate and sensitive to your friend's emotions and mental well-being. 🥳 Sending Love, we hope thedandyclub is doing well. If not, our DMs are open💚🧡

SPOT THE CLUB Tag us with your dandy baggus 🧡💚 P.S The Sling in Sand and Black and The Wide in Black Still Available - Order via DMs today❤️#itsalwaysapartywithdandy

To better emotional ventilation, deeper connections and taking babysteps for both the easy and difficult conversations👍🛏🎙 For Both Friends and Partner😗