Trigger Warning for Post Slides: Mentions of all kinds of Trauma, including SA
This post is for context — not a cry for attention.
Before you scroll, I don’t recommend reading this unless you’re in at least a neutral headspace. I’ve learned the hard way that what I’ve lived through can be shocking to others — even though I’ve used dark humor about it for years as a way to cope. It’s instinct at this point.
Much of this list I’ve joked about with close family and friends, but some of it is new — even to me. I only began uncovering and confirming my DID earlier this year, and I (or I think I’m supposed to say “we,” but I’m still learning how many alters I have) am still processing it in real time.
For now, I’m using this space as a way to cope, heal, and process — and to share in case it helps someone else feel less alone or gives them someone to lean on. My 8-year old alter Noelle loves to share… if anything, a bit too much 😅 Which many of my friends have known about me over the years.
I’ve been told by multiple doctors that I’m too destabilized for EMDR right now, which says a lot about the level of trauma my system is holding.
What you’re about to read is a list of experiences I didn’t fully process at the time — or at all — that have impacted me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I have fully learned you cannot heal it until you feel it, which sucks since I’m much more comfortable + safe staying in my head, not my body.
I didn’t randomly fall apart. My body + brain reached a threshold, as I have been “at capacity” since 21, waiting for the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
This is me acknowledging that — and finally giving my experiences, moods, and ability to show up for people (family, friends, dating partners) the context they deserve. I didn’t realize I couldn’t show up for others emotionally if I was unable to show up for even myself. You cannot truly care for another human if you’re unable to take care of yourself and meet your own needs first.
Lots of hugs, and looking forward to sharing much more in the future soon 🤍 Really hope I can help someone reading this - my DMs are always open ❤️
Continued….
To be clear: I’m not sharing any of this information for sympathy - I’m sharing it so that others can be made aware of how much someone may be struggling behind their smiles and jokes, as well as discuss coping skills that allowed me to get through a lifetime of trauma on every level (physical, medical, mental, emotional, sexual).
So this is me: rebuilding, relearning, and reintroducing myself. I can’t pretend anymore - I don’t even have the capacity to, both physically + emotionally.
There are parts of me you haven’t met yet… there are parts of me even I haven’t met yet. Some are older, some are younger. Some are still finding their voice. But for the first time, I’m not going to hide them. So far, it looks like there are 5-6 of us, and still counting.
If you’re still here, thank you. There’s more to come, and I’ll share what platform I plan to speak on once I’m ready.
And if you’re struggling, even quietly, trust me: you are NOT alone. Not even a little. I promise.
I’m here. I’ve been here. And a part of me will likely always be here - waiting to hold your hand, if you ever need someone like I once did, but was too afraid to ask.
Don’t hesitate to reach out if anything I’ve shared resonates with you, or if you ever need someone to share your story with (confidentially) and listen or get support. I’ve been through it all and then some (I’ll share more soon), and would be happy to listen and best advise how to overcome it, since that’s what I plan to do moving forward with my career - I’ve already begun the work necessary to become certified (working is a healthier coping mechanism, I promise 😅🥲)
🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🤍💖
One last note: I wanted to make it clear that no one in my immediate family was involved in any abuse that caused me to develop my DID. I don’t plan to share names or concrete details in the future as I’m still processing those memories. I love my parents and they are everything to me, and I wanted to make that clear as I continue my healing journey.
I’ve spent the past month debating whether to share this + be vulnerable - this post is me choosing to do so, because if my experience can help even one person, it will have been worth it.
This past year was the toughest year of my life: physically, mentally, emotionally, + spiritually. It didn’t just break me - it killed parts of me (not metaphorically, I mean literally. Multiple times.) There were days I didn’t think I’d make it and days I asked for help - loudly, clearly, repeatedly - and still felt completely alone.
And yet, somehow, I’m still here. The biggest lesson I learned is this: when no one comes to save you, you have to become the person to save yourself. And so, my 8-year old alter showed up to save my 35-year old self when I couldn’t take living another day in immense physical + mental pain.
After a lifetime of feeling different - having too much going on in my head, like my brain wouldn’t turn off - I finally got answers: I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder + CPTSD, and learned I was born neurodivergent (Autistic/ADHD) despite living my entire life without knowing I AM wired different.
The new blackouts + fainting episodes (called splitting) + constant neurological resets - it wasn’t random. It was my brain trying to survive under immense stress, as my child alter had swapped herself in for my adult self in my greatest time of need - and been met with a world of confusion, distrust, + trauma.
Most of my life those who met me knew me as “Julianne”… but if I’m honest, even she wasn’t real. She was a facade, a lie, as I’d spent a lifetime trying to suppress my sensitivity, emotions, and to fit in. Trying to be palatable and constantly mask what was going on inside. And what that created was a life that looked full on the surface, but was unbearably lonely on the inside - since no one, not even Julianne, knew the real me.
This year forced me to confront what trauma can do physically, emotionally, + systemically when it goes unprocessed. It also forced me to face the fact that it’s okay to need help (a LOT of it), and to hold people to a higher standard and walk away when they can’t meet you there.
To be Continued…. 💖
Checking in with some updates, as I’m eager to share more of my medical journey that I’ve been on since age 15 - especially with gynecological conditions such as endometriosis & the effects of longterm trauma on the body via my records (TW abound).
If you or any women you know have struggled with anything Ive discussed so far, I’d love to offer support/a shoulder to lean on, as well as make some recommendations (medical/medication/supplement/lifestyle, etc) that have helped me cope throughout the many years I’ve dealt with the physical & emotional pain that comes with these issues. I’ve suffered mostly silently until now, but it’s time for me to speak on my journey so I can help the many others who have been through these things too. I really hope to help the push towards all de-stigmatization.
Much love ❤️ 🤍
0:05 - Into + Career Updates
0:50 - Medical updates
1:35 - Meet Noelle (many of you already have, unbeknownst to you!)
1:50 - Recent seizure activity & its relation to DID (‘splitting’)
2:30 - Feeling validated & outreach to old friends
3:12 - Being high-functioning & its detriments
3:40 - Validation post-diagnosis in explaining so many symptoms
3:55 - Discussing youngest (infant/toddler) parts & implications
4:40 - Backtracking through history to pinpoint DID-onset & current theory
5:55 - TW - Childhood SA & working through repressed memories
6:25 - System communication & my DID onset in 2025
6:55 - Why DID onset wasn’t sooner
7:05 - On suppressing feelings & my new wiring
7:30 - Biggest lesson: don’t suppress your feelings/reality!
8:00 - Early signs of DID
8:38 - Major TW - Signs of Childhood SA & sharing Gynecological, Urological, & some Gastrointestinal records with diagnoses since I began treatment for major issues starting in 2011 (age 21)
9:45 - On current desensitization
10:05 - On witchcraft & recent spiritual trauma
11:10 - My spirituality & thoughts on opening up publicly
12:00 - On working with Priest/Exorcist & worries about possession
12:45 - On recent spiritual PTSD/validation upon end of events
13:55 - Life & spiritual lessons learned
15:42 - On having a spiritual awakening
17:00 - Final statements re: DI
From the mind & body of Julianne Augustine comes a true story of extraordinary unforeseen events ft. a beginner deck of tarot cards, 8 months of spiritual warfare, new shocking mental health diagnosis, & pure Italian-family style chaos – all that unfolded in the last 14 months & we are still reeling from…
I’m a Virgo so I come with receipts. Buckle up, cause it’s a wild + real ride.
Follow me on TikTok for that story @julianne.Augustine - as a friend rightly expressed that the spiritual aspect of the events that unfolded may dilute the more serious aspects of my mental health journey, which I do not wish to do whatsoever on any platform (esp. instagram - this story is more TikTok-material, if you catch my drift…)
Humor has been my favorite coping mechanism since a child - it has gotten me through the darkest of times, because sometimes if you don’t laugh you’d cry, and I’ve done enough of that throughout my life. I’m a creative at heart, and I’d like to tell my story of the past year with some well-needed levity + humor as these are very dark times & we can ALL use a laugh.
🤍
Uploaded out of order (oh well), this was actually Part 2 while I did my Makeup (you’ve already seen Part 3).
This is obviously just my opinion / experience thus far on my healing journey with DID, as well as my other health issues that led to rock bottom (which I thought I hit before multiple times but: no, I was wrong, this was definitely it! We're on the mend now it seems though, thankfully).
I'm sharing this as real / vulnerable / honest / raw as I can possibly get & hope to build my entire brand/platform around honesty/vulnerability as that is my new wiring & I don't know how long it will take for me to recover, if I even will
Timecodes:
00:00 - On having a nervous breakdown, initial psych exams/consults, my thoughts on therapy during a physical/mental breakdown
2:40 - on Kratom
3:10 - my Nervous System throughout my life
4:00 - being failed by Doctors as a Child & early physical signs of SA (TW)
5:00 - TW - Slight Dissociation as I discuss Gastro issues due to Childhood SA / Desensitization to discussing Heavy Topics
5:45 - Describing Switching / DID-episodes - why, when, how
7:30 - Denial, Acknowledging, & finally Accepting of DID Diagnosis / New Alter
8:30 - My Goals in Sharing All My Medical Info/Experience / What my Docs Think
9:30 - Younger Alters I Have Yet to Meet
10:10 - My Year (2025) in Relation to DID
12:10 - On Experiencing Paranormal Activity
13:10 - Advice for PTSD re: paranormal activity
13:50 - Life Lessons I've Learned
Part 2, will add notes to mark time codes soon for those who prefer to skim since it’s on the longer side
Aaaand it’s blurry AF - great 😅 not what I wanted. I’ll try to re-export and re-upload when I have a second wind to fix this.
Hi everyone, it’s Julianne. This is my life as it is right now—my truth—even if it makes people uncomfortable to see.
What I’m sharing might not be commonly spoken about, but it’s not uncommon to feel. Most people have experienced some version of these things—I’m just saying it out loud.
I’m aware there are misconceptions about me based on what I’ve shared. Even at my lowest, I’ve never been naive or unaware. I understand what my diagnoses look like on paper—and the conclusions people may draw from that, especially online. But to be clear: I’m not “crazy.” That label is not only inaccurate, it’s one of the most harmful things you can say to someone navigating real mental, emotional, and medical challenges. I’m not in psychosis, and I’m not here for the wrong kind of attention.
I’m here because I’m going through something complex that I’m still trying to fully understand, and I’m choosing to document it honestly, even at the expense of how I may be perceived (as well as at the risk of my very hard-earned reputation and career). To me, it is all worth it in the long run, since I’ve already been openly told I’ve helped others. Transparently: I’m also hoping my story will reach those in the medical field online that may be able to help me heal and eventually integrate, or have the option to.
Because if we don’t speak honestly about mental illness, trauma, or anything that makes us uncomfortable, we risk holding ourselves back from becoming who we’re meant to be, or reaching our full potential.
This is Part 1 (never got to even start my makeup! I can be quite chatty once I get started, hah) & I’ll be sharing Parts 2 & 3 very soon.
Sending love & good vibes always ❤️
Happy happy {age redacted} birthday to one of the most important people in my life: @jessiewepalmer !!! 🥳🥳🥳🌈☀️🎉🎈💕❤️
Words cannot describe how special you are to me (but I’ll try).. you are the most resilient, thoughtful, generous, kind, loving friend one could ever have and I am SO thankful KPS middle school brought us together 💕💕 I’ve learned so much from you over the past 18 years - you are SO wise beyond your years in a way most people will ever know.
I love you to the moon and back and cannot wait to plan our next Italy trip (actually... on second thought, maybe let’s do France or a different place next time😁😁) too many pics to post here but I chose some of my personal favorites from that fateful trip 😂😂
I LOVE YOU JESSIE!!!!! ❤️ hopefully we’ll still be in a relationship on FB even when we’re married! 😜
Cheers to my #1 BFF / roomie / kindest / most hardworking / inspirational / funniest girl in the world / bday twin @kbergin827 👯♀️👯♀️ Special K, you are the apple of my eye, the Bonnie to my Clyde, the Thelma to my Louise and I couldn’t have it any other way!!! 💕💕💕 I’m “always having the best time” when I’m with you and never laugh harder! 7 years of living together with 0 privacy and I couldn’t have it any other way! Can’t wait to celebrate soon 🎉🎁🎈🍾🥂🍷🍻🍹🍆 sponsored by #fashionweek
