Shout out to AMERICA on being a country where a broke cab driver can grow up to host a national tv show and a YUGE SHOUTOUT to @realdonaldtrump on having excellent taste in comedy. This one BLEW MY MIND. So proud of @jenrfailla and the @fnsaturdaynight team.
MAMDANI congratulating himself on balancing the budget is like AOC congratulating herself on being valedictorian. Just because someone says something doesn’t mean it happened.
PHENOMENAL hang w/ her highness @aearhardt - it went SO well that I’ve agreed to lend @seanhannity some of my sport jackets so he’ll finally stop asking to borrow them. Go get 10 copies of “America I’m So Glad You Were Born” in the meantime!
KILLER weekend in Nebraska as I got to visit Comedy Graceland aka Johnny Carson’s house. Along the way I played an AMAZING audience at @astronebraska and afterwards I signed the biggest set of breasts I’ve EVER seen. But enough about Kristi Noem’s husband.
Wishing the happiest Mother’s Day of all time to all the kick ass mom’s out there but ESPECIALLY the unstoppable Marianne Failla who’s as cool as they come. No one has supported me, inspired me, or gotten me out of more trouble with the law.
