I am officially 2 years cancer free 🥲
T/W: cancer, death
In september 2021 I was admitted to hospital, I was diagnosed with burkitts lymphoma (a rare type of blood cancer). After my diagnosis I lived in hospital for 4 months. During these 4 months I underwent 4 rounds of extremely aggressive chemotherapy. I have never, and hopefully will never again, experienced so much pain, fear and hopelessness as I did during these months. I was initially told my chances of survival were very low. After hearing this, I did not want to continue living. I honestly prayed I would pass in my sleep so I wouldn’t have to wake up everyday knowing I was going to go through so much more suffering and likely die from cancer. Once doctors realised my cancer was much more treatable than they initially thought, things started to get better.. I had hope. The chemo was so fucking tough you couldn’t imagine. But what was more tough was the isolation, I basically lived in a tiny hospital room for over 100 days. For many weeks i couldn’t eat or walk. I have never experienced time going so slowly, an hour felt like three, a day felt like a week. All I ever wanted was to be free. What is strange now, is I actually miss living in hospital. I miss how safe I felt (weird as I was basically on my deathbed) but I was looked after 24/7. I miss not having responsibility over anything, all I had to focus on was surviving. I miss the incredible nurses and doctors that literally saved my life. I obviously miss being blonde too :P
I used to dream about days where I wouldn’t think about cancer, I never thought such days would come.. but they did. I rarely think about my time fighting cancer, thinking about it is extremely difficult, but today it feels okay. 2 years ago I was told I was in remission, I feel proud that I survived, and that suffering made me who I am today. Though I’m not the same person that went into hospital that day in 2021, im someone so much stronger 🤍
