We went back to @updownfarmhouse_ this week. We picked this date on purpose- exactly a year since our last visit, when we found out I was pregnant with Stevie.
Itâs always an amazing stay, but itâs extra special now as a family. Itâs so child friendly (they even had swim pants for Stevie) and the food was tdf. Jess has been wanting to try @jake_normal food and it didnât disappoint.
Canât wait to make this a fam tradition every year!
As we count down to the end of one of the hardest (and most special) years of our lives, I wanted to share a little of what this pregnancy has been like for us, and what it has actually taken to get here as a same sex couple. This hasnât been easy or full of excitement. Itâs been medical. Needles, hormones, sickness, paperwork. It has consumed two years, emotionally and financially. You canât put a price on family, but at some point youâre almost forced to. We nearly had to stop when funds ran low, more than once.
In December 2023 we sat down with my GP to discuss growing our family. We were met with multiple âI donât knowsâ and âIâve never come across this beforeâ. We essentially had to navigate referral to the clinic ourselves. Once there, we got the usual âhow long have you been trying?â And âwhere is your husband?â. We were mistaken for friends, sisters, even colleagues all whilst enduring painful and invasive tests. The exclusion was constant, and more rife than weâd expected.
Then there was the biggest reality of all- we didnât have half of what we needed to make a baby. Choosing a sperm donor, deciding one half of our childâs genetic make up, while grieving that our baby couldnât be genetically both of us was heavier than we imagined. We chose carefully, bought enough sperm not just for one pregnancy but for hopes of siblings one day. We now have one vial left, frozen. The fear of it running out or our donor stopping donating never really leaves.
We were advised to try IUI first and told our chances were high, even though the success rate is around 7%. A week before treatment, we were told we didnât qualify for NHS funding because we were a same sex couple and couldnât âprove how long weâd been trying.â Our savings were already drained, but we scraped together the money and went ahead, hoping to be one of the lucky 7%. The procedure was brutal. I couldnât walk for a week. It didnât work. The second round ended in a chemical pregnancy - our first physical loss but just another setback.
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