May is #mentalhealthawarenessmonth and today I want to discuss a simple topic: smiling. More specifically, my inability to smile.
Throughout my life (even currently) I have been told that “I don’t smile enough” or “You need to smile more” and it always puzzled me because I was under the assumption that I was displaying joy during situations where I should’ve been smiling. However, five years ago I hit a new low and decided to seek professional help. Five years ago I started my therapy journey and I was officially diagnosed with depression. Back when I was first diagnosed I attributed my depression to my current environment and assumed that it was directly influenced by things I could control. For a few years that was the case, but lately I’ve come to realize that there are things outside of my control and I have to learn how to navigate and tackle things that trigger my depression. I bring up my depression as recently I’ve realized it’s given me a physical side effect: the inability to smile or express joy.
I’ve always wondered why during moments of joy I’ve been unable to properly feel and express happiness, and now I realize it’s because of my depression. The rare times I’m able to experience and express joy now mean much more to me. I want people to know that I’m not mad or bitter, it’s just that I have a condition that prevents me from being happy. I also want people to know that it’s ok to not be ok, and it’s ok to admit that you need help and to seek help.
So next time you see someone who doesn’t look happy, maybe think twice before telling them “you should smile more.”
