Five years.
It’s been five years since my gastroparesis diagnosis; the abrupt onset of symptoms I thought was food poisoning, but turned out to be something much more chronic. Stomach paralysis.
I went back and forth on posting this because I never want to come across as having a victim mindset, making chronic illness my entire personality, or turning the internet into my diary (which jokes on me, I might be doing all three!). But it also feels just as silly to hide parts of my life just to be more palatable to others.
The truth is, living every day feeling like you have the stomach flu is hard. Five years of gastroparesis is a milestone I never imagined for myself growing up, let alone one I’d be marking.
In the past five years, there have been countless ER visits, 35 unintentional pounds lost at my lowest, dozens of medications, nine months of cumulative medical leave, eight endoscopies, seven hospitalizations, four additional surgeries, and one stomach “pacemaker” named Zappy.
Through it all, I have persisted.
I say that not for praise, but in solidarity with those in the chronic illness and disability community who show up and keep going every single day. It’s hard. It’s even harder when the thing you fear most is your own body, but we do it anyway, because we have to.
I’ve never woken up and magically accepted my circumstances. Acceptance, for me, is a choice I have to make every single day.
As always, I’m deeply grateful to the people who showed up for me and loved me through all of this. It truly takes a village. This five-year milestone is as much theirs as it is mine.
And just like that, my “three-week trip home” is now going on nine.
Life has a way of surprising you and sometimes guiding you where you didn’t plan to go. These past weeks have been medically intensive, mentally exhausting, and emotionally draining.
For most of July, I couldn’t tolerate water orally, leading to almost-daily med spa IV infusions and several ER visits, complete with lingering medication side effects. Additionally, imaging then revealed I needed a quick-turn surgery, which I’m now thankfully recovering from.
That’s the reality of a medically complex body: needs appear out of nowhere, and you learn to meet them head-on, like they are a full time career. It’s not always what you want, but sometimes it’s exactly what you need.
Through it all, I’m grateful for:
- Dark humor — trauma’s fun little party favor
- Delta — for letting me push my flight back five times without blocking my number
- Woman’s intuition — for waking me in the middle of the night to book the doctor’s appointment
- My support group — you’re all such gems ✨
Now onto hopefully more fun adventures✈️
Facebook won’t let me post my full tangent on Instagram but here’s pictures of me having the privilege of being a patient speaker and sharing my medical journey at the National Society of American Gastrointestinal and Endoscopic Surgeons (SAGES) conference. While there is so much more to unpack, especially as the journey continues, I was deeply honored to be in a room full of specialists and doctors who genuinely wanted to listen. Moving forward, I hope progress continues in the scientific field for those with gastroparesis, intestinal dysfunction, digestive diseases, and chronic illnesses.
To those who are struggling medically: Some days may feel dim, but please know that I see you, and I stand with you. @chronicloveclub
