I’ve been gripped to this Scissor lift like a bird of prey, clamped on, rigid with fear, sweating, head swirling, my nervous system convinced that I’m gonna die every time it’s swayed in the wind or with the movement of the paint roller pushing against the wall.
I didn’t even consider my fear of heights when I took on this job, by far the biggest mural I’ve ever undertaken. I’d forgotten childhood experiences of playgrounds, diving boards, seaside piers with gaps that showed the crashing waves below. Dizziness when crossing railway bridges, my general distrust of man made structures in the air.
So this job has taken me on a journey back to those experiences, back to nurturing that small child stuck up the ladder at my uncles house, frozen to the spot, unable to let go, to move up or down - full of shame.
But on this lift I’ve been given empathy and gentle encouragement and even been referred to a hypno-therapist.
The job is inadvertently helping me to face a fear that could be a real barrier to more work of this kind and I’ve always dreamed of painting on this scale, of taking out the sides of buildings, of filling enormous public spaces with art.
So onwards and upwards slowly rising above my comfort, soothing Little Jon all the way, repeating the mantra of I’m perfectly safe, breathing, deeply relaxing my muscles, activating the parasympathetic nervous system and gently making friends with the fear with the help of all the good people around me
@kindredstudiosartists
I’m so grateful to not work in a world of bravado, piss-taking and oneupmanship, to have to bury my fears and feelings because of pride and competitiveness. I’m so grateful to work in an environment where kindness, encouragement and support are the norm. Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me. Special mentions to
@ameliarosenell for being my assistant and trauma therapist 😂.
@lisa.dredge for the rapid hypnotherapy recommendation. Iwona for being the rescue team when I got stuck up there 10 times a day.
@mrdavidblack for painting the top when I couldn’t and
@maisiecowell whose beautiful design I painted.
Now, anyone got a tower block that needs painting?