PERMISSION comes out tonight at Midnight EST on all streaming services 💎
I’m so excited to finally be releasing music. It’s been such a long, hard, mental battle and struggle to get to this point and I’m so happy to begin, here, as I am, with this song.
I’m so grateful to my collaborators who helped create and bring my vision and inner feelings to life.
@oatmilqmusic@by.alexiscastillo
Here’s to giving ourselves PERMISSION to get out of our own way, believe in ourselves, be who we are, allow ourselves to be seen as a “beginner”, and find the things that set our souls on fire 🥳
Did he go to a songwriter’s conference, make new friends, perform without an instrument for the first time, go to Nashville for the first time, do a writers round there, feel super grateful and inspired, watch amazing vocalists and performers, & fall in love with the city of music?
Yes…yes he did!
I wrote this song about 2 years ago, when I first started at Berklee. I decided now is a good time to finally share it.
Three years ago today my mom passed away unexpectedly. Ever since then I have been battling with what life threw my family’s way and continued to fight personal demons. Mom and I always connected through music, talking about my dreams, and music award shows (and me laughing and listening to her feelings about the newest season of the Bachelorette).
Within the past three years, I had gotten off track, lost myself a little, was angry at God, and set unreal expectations for myself in all different categories. I finally am starting to heal and feel me again.
My mom always used to say “I love you to the moon & back” while holding out the “I love you” gesture in sign language 🤟🏽 I think I’ve finally realized that I wrote this song, not for others who have gone through similar things, but first for me. It has been a song I have sung on low days during the past 3 years to remind myself just how much my mom (and my dad) love me.
I’m so so grateful for my family and so grateful to know that we will all be reunited again one day.
I love you to the moon & back, mom💜
Lyrics:
Those were the days
When he held her hand
Driving in the car
The heater’s ablaze
As the snow won’t stop
Falling from the stars
But now she’s gone
And he’s moved on
And winter came
And in my dreams she said
I love you to the moon and back
I’m with you, darling don’t forget that
I will never go away
I’m with you on your darkest day
And every time you say goodnight I hope you’re sleeping tight
Cause I love you the moon & back
To the moon and back
I shed a tear
And it rolled right down
The dusty picture frames
Cause it’s been three years
And without you it just won’t
Feel like home
Cause now you’re gone
And he’s moved on
And winter came
And in my dreams you said
I love you to the moon and back
I’m with you, darling don’t forget that
I will never go away
I’m with you on your darkest day
And every time you say goodnight I hope you’re sleeping tight
Cause I love you the moon & back
To the moon and back
Soaring through the stars to tell you I love you baby (x3)
To tell you
Alexa, play Mr. Roboto by Styx and add the Iron Man Theme Song to queue...😎
Back again with another LIFE UPDATE!
Some of you may or may not know BUT when I hit puberty, my sternum started growing inward, in which it began to touch my heart and lungs causing me to have chest pain and a lack of lung capacity. Not to mention it also made me super self-conscious. It’s called Pectus Excavatum! (Wow, fancy words)
In June 2017, right after I graduated high school I had surgery and the amazing Dr. J and her team put 2 custom bent steel bars in my chest to *pop* my sternum out and train it to grow straight, like braces. THEN, recently on August 31st, 2020 I got those bars removed.
!!!SWIPE 2 SEE PICS!!!
I’m so grateful for the relief I feel now, the amazing doctors/environment at the Arizona Mayo Clinic, and my Dad & Mom. Mom couldn’t be there physically this time, but I felt her presence from Heaven with many tender mercies amidst surgery (like every mask and hospital gown being purple)💜. My Dad, @rogerhelwig has done so much for me and I’m so grateful for him and how he has provided and supported me AND taken care of me around surgery even as his own health is difficult.
I’m so so grateful to live in a place that I can have the opportunity to get taken care of and have great healthcare!
This chapter of the craziest and one of the most intense learning experiences I’ve had so far in life is now complete and I’m so grateful for it...even though it was difficult. God taught me many lessons and helped me to see a glimpse of what my mom went through with her own health struggles.
Now—onto fully embracing my lungs and developing my vocals🥳
It’s been awhile👋🏼 We’re about to get honestttt🙌🏼 I’ve been taking almost a 2 year break from posting singing vids on Instagram. Obvious reasons being 1) I left on my mission 2) Mom passed away...then I decided I wanted to again... but then it became a thing for validation. It turned into me trying to make things feel normal in my life again. I loved posting covers in high school and sharing what I love to do with all of you, but I really let the negative effects of social media (and life) kind of take over me for awhile. I compared myself to every song I listened to on the radio, every musician I heard live or on Instagram, and I had become very rude and impatient with myself and vocal development.
With this pandemic and quarantine, I’m starting to find music again, in the right way, for me. If I don’t have it in the right way for me, then I can’t share it with others, both now and in the future. So it’s still a work in progress...but in the meantime here are some videos from the past 2 years both that I’m proud of and others that are me just practicing and being IMPERFECT. And that’s OKAY:) More to come soon (: 1. “Yesterday” by The Beatles from the show Radio Revival I was in last year. Thank you @juicemanjaja for this awesome video and video reel!
2. A short recording for a song I was writing for school (so I didn’t forget the melody lol)
Lyrics:
“Never like the misery company but it seems you know my heart
Never thought there was anyone else who could deal with my sensitive parts
Never thought that my bruises and scars would turn into relatable art
Never thought I’d be here reminiscing to where I was back at the start”
Today marks 2 years since my gorgeous mama passed away. Life has definitely been quite different and I’m not quite sure where it’s going right now. But I have faith. Mom, you are & always will be my sunshine. I love you to the moon & back🤟🏼
So life update: I have been LOVING Berklee College of Music (Online) soo much! It is honestly the most fun I have ever had in school (even being online, weird) and the most I have felt I have learned. I’m also loving LA as crazy as it is, getting to meet new people, enjoy the sun, and feel inspired 24/7. I’ve also been going through a lot these past couple years, which I have been pretty transparent about with the majority of people who know me, and I have been writing and writing and writing about it and am really proud of the songs that are flowing out of me. I’m so excited to share them with all of you eventually—when the time is right. I am just feeling blessed and grateful that I can go through trials and be able to turn it into a form of art that may help someone else through their own trials one day. It’s a really cool thing to GROW through something that was a weakness and make it into a strength that can help others. One day, your weaknesses will become your superpowers.
