Late July, 2025 at The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp
While I was there, I could not ignore the grief shaking from the trees. I thought I had already sewn up these wounds… A few days in, I told Andrew and Jack that I could no longer get the “happy family + camper” shot. I could no longer tell that story. I put down the digital camera, picked up my Rollie, and headed into the forest. I found the truth whispering in the quiet places — in the remaining treehouse foundations, the horse barn, the streams of water, and the heart of camp: the dining hall.
All the past, present, and future campers seemed to say one thing: “Do you see me? Because I see you!”
The day before leaving, I remember floating in the pool next to a family with three kids. They were lying flat on their stomachs in the shallow end, chests pressed against the warm concrete floor, talking face-to-face just above the waterline. It looked like the most relaxed position in the world. Of course, I followed suit. As the sun began to set in hot Ashford, one of the daughters reminded me of my brother Seth, who is also on the disability spectrum and has the most beautiful smile.
Quickly, things got very quiet. She called out her brother’s name. Under the water, she gently outstretched her arm toward him, and he outstretched his toward her. They found each other’s hands, locked eyes, held on for about three seconds, and let go.
In that one moment, a bolt of lightning raced through my heart, as if all my siblings were saying “Do you see me? Because I see you!”
I developed these rolls in my darkroom but must have used exhausted developer. You can see the splotches and noise throughout. When I first looked at the images, I was angry at myself for not developing properly and not staying on top of the variables. But eight months later, I reflect and become more gentle with myself and the work.
Seth moving into home #2 last year. He stayed for 2 months before returning home with my parents. We’re still searching/waiting for the state government to assist in finding the right environment for him to live.
🫂
