Nash Brown

My God is an on time God, which is good because I’m never on time ⏰ Another season of waiting!!!!! But admittedly, I’ve not used this time wisely. There’s often more prayers to pray, more books to read, more people to commune with, more therapy to process through…. all in preparation for the next season of my life. I can feel it. I know what I’m *supposed* to be doing. But I must confess— lately most days just feel purposeless and I have a very hard time getting out of bed. Honestly I’m so darn excited for what God has planned for my future! I’m not going to lie…. I want it now. But the conviction I’ve felt lately is the potential delay of His promises due to the stagnation of my obedience. I think this is the first time I’ve felt like a “fake Christian” in my almost 7 years walking with Jesus and it’s never my goal to present on social media a false presence of my actual life. I’ve been distracted and confused and experiencing bits of temporary happiness that dissolve away like exhaling breaths. Lord I pray you’ll meet me where I’m at and turn me back to the everlasting joy found in You. I can’t handle these rollercoaster emotions without You Jesus. Help me find my peace in You once again. Amen

fits I served at @womenofjoy conference last weekend in Pigeon Forge TN ✝️ I never doubted that God would show up for me this weekend, and Lord won’t He do it!?!? but I did have worries that the enemy would get in my thoughts as I ventured closer to the heart of God. And I wish I could say that I fought hard and I won the battle. I can’t though… that’s just not the truth. But JESUS. Jesus carried me. He comforted me. His arms redirected me and His hand fit perfectly in my hand so I knew I was never alone. Jesus won the victory and brought me with Him every step of the way 🪜 Even in a room of 6,000 women praising Jesus, I felt so lonely. But that feeling didn’t determine the thoughts I had about myself like it used to— thoughts that I didn’t belong and thoughts that God loved everyone else a LOT and MAYBE loved me a little bit.. maybe I’d feel His love if there was a little leftover after everyone else got their cups filled. The feelings that used to flood my mind didn’t spread like poison as the enemy wanted. With Jesus as my guide, He lead me to remember the truest thing about me and why I was in that room in the first place: for connection and perfect communion with the Father. He reminded me that He is enough for everyone INCLUDING ME. He is limitless and infinite and so immense we can’t even comprehend. That’s the glory and mystery of God. I think that’s the part that most people shy away from because humans have such a need to know and control everything. The crazy part is that God wants to be known by you, and then as we trust Him, He calls us to release the control that we’re grasping on to so tightly. In His perfect protection, we have freedom from the pressures of this world.

December was fun. Jumping into 2026 with a full heart and slower moments. AS LONG AS IM BREATHING 🙌🏽

N O V E M B E R was full of NOodle snuggles 🐶 NOisy teenagers 🎉 NOcturnal adventures 🎄 NOnjudgmental kids 🫶🏻 NOrmal bestie hangs 💍 NOteworthy reading 📚 NOvel workouts 🏋️ One could say it was a month of NOs but all I see is God opening doors in front of me and me responding YES. ✝️

While I was driving down North Territorial the other day, I felt suddenly very convicted that I haven’t been spending enough time with God lately. I was reflecting on how I *say* that I put God first, family second, and work third but lately…. Lately my actions have been looking like work first, family second, and God…. maybe if I have time. And I just really don’t like that. But then as soon as I looked up and read the license plate in front of me, I read PROV427 and oh my goodness I can’t deny that was one of those beautiful signs from God. “Don’t allow yourself to be sidetracked for even a moment or take the detour that leads to darkness.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4‬:‭27‬ ‭TPT‬‬ Thank you Jesus for the course correction. Your hand guides me for all the days of my life and I can’t express my gratitude enough.

I never really understood the word “mindfulness” although I’d heard it repeated so often in all my therapy sessions growing up. It didn’t make sense to me how being mindful was supposed to bring awareness, understanding, and calmness to the mind and body when my mind was already spiraling out and being over-aware of every little thing happening around me. Hello childhood trauma response! Whenever I tried to be “mindful” I thought about the “being mindful” practices and my mind immediately became full of an even louder inner dialogue of judgement and insecurity: “Am I doing this right?” “Why do I still feel overwhelmed?” “I really don’t think this is helping” “Literally why doesn’t this work for me?” “I now have anxiety about my anxiety.” But then the Lord… In the past few years, I’ve been learning that sometimes a better word for “mindfulness” is actually PRESENCE. Presence with God + yourself + your environment + nature + anything directly around you. I learned that mindfulness is actually the mind-LESS-ness of just being… just existing as we were meant to [with God]. And what a gift that is!!!! I’m really not sure if I ever would have viewed life or existence as a gift if I hadn’t surrendered to God. I just didn’t like worrying about everything and feeling so condemned and unworthy. Without Jesus, my “mindfulness” time was spent spiraling and trying to explain/ justify all the things I felt guilty about and all the reasons I was eternally unloveable. It wasn’t calming or regulating, it was a checklist I would never be able to check off. I hated myself and I thought everyone around me hated me too. Before Jesus, mindfulness relaxation wasn’t really an option for me. But now that I’m in His presence and can call on Him to sit with me any time I want or need, I can rest. I can enjoy the little moments. I can BUILD MEMORIES because my brain is no longer in fight or flight mode. I can love without fear of rejection and I can just *be* me… in the moment… with God.

I’m so grateful for these snippets of bittersweet joy from this month. But I’m not going to lie, most of this month was full of tear-filled days, many bottles of wine, a little bit of nature relaxing and definitely not enough alone time with God in prayer. - four WHOLE years without dad - selling his house - settling into my new career - needing to sell a kidney to get my car fixed lol - 10 years post first suicide attempt and hospital visit - family moving farther away… not right down the street anymore :( - 4 years as a college graduate - 5 years walking w/ Jesus But here we are: September. Whether we’re ready or not!

always remember to recognize the beauty that surrounds you. don’t forget to slow down. the multitude of little things far outweigh the perceived great big thing at the end of the journey. Take your time #takeitslow #slowdown #takeyourtime #greatthingstaketime⌛️ #greatthingstocome #timeisprecious❤️ #timeisnotreal

I wish I would have believed all the people who told me in my teenage years and young 20s that life would get better 🎈look at this life now! the small (but mighty) joys in my life lately include: - harmonicas on road trips - tryin to catch free-range chickens - being average at drinking wine - witnessing God’s perfectly painted skies - eating greasy food before a big race - helping teens towards living a life of purpose - dad music - celebrating the greatness other people sometimes don’t notice within themselves - honoring my raw but real emotional needs - “baking” cookies w/ my cousins - detaching your happiness from my identity - spotting the potential that people have within themselves and telling them!!!

✨joy✨ is found in who you share life with… the ones there for you through the valleys are the ones who celebrate with you on the mountaintops. the smiles, the tears, the laughter, and the fights… all lead to memories that carry us through. This recent season of life has taught me that pain always comes before the birth of a new era and I’m excited to see what this next chapter will bring for me. thank you to everyone who made this day memorable for me. #birthdaycelebration #deathtomy20s #feelingyoungatheart❤️ #anewerabegins

grief comes to visit at the most unexpected times but thankfully, she doesn’t camp out and stay long. she used to plop herself down and get comfy but now we pair up together and shed some tears, and then just like that: the heaviness that she brought with her is washed away as the sweet joyous memories sprout up like fresh spring flowers grief will always be a familiar visitor to me, it’s just the way I am… just the way my heart operates. so I know that when life gets to feeling really dark and gloomy, it’s not the light that we need to fight to get back to, it’s the memories that lie deep in the darkest parts of the heart that we need to recall and bring to the surface. Because that’s how we’re going to remember what we’re aiming for when the light does return #griefjourney #imissyoudaddy #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #depressionjourney #forevergrieving

truly I tell you, anything can be mended with a little love 💕 #throwback #paintandpour #restoration #sisterlove #foreverfamily