I wrote the green letter a year ago and never shared it, so consider this a two-for-one special. It has been the honor of my life to work with the greatest team there’s ever been—people who have held me, challenged me, and shaped me in ways I’ll carry forever. Go see Wicked: For Good in theaters and be changed. 💚🩷
#8. In this time, I have often looked to one of my favorite children’s books, one that somehow holds more wisdom and reminders for adults than for kids. The kind of quiet truth that finds you when you need it and feels like a warm ray of sunshine and hope. I included some of the most important pages to me in this collection of photos.
I had been in a dark wood for a while, but recently, something huge has shifted. Strangely and unexpectedly, a lot of that was brought on by the Superman movie.
I have often been told I’m too trusting. That I try too hard to see the good in everyone. That the way I think everyone is beautiful in their own way just isn’t true. They’d say my love and joy for life were only because I hadn’t been knocked down yet. That I hadn’t experienced anything real. In short, they called me naive.
But Superman reminded me that none of that is weakness. It’s strength. It is “punk rock” to care, to love, to feel deeply, to believe in the good with everything you have.
The Lotus Festival happened in Echo Park a few weeks ago. I didn’t make it to the lantern launch like I wanted to, so I went the next day instead and read through the lanterns. There were notes to loved ones who have passed, messages full of hope, dreams, love… all floating on the lake.
There was one lantern that really stuck with me. It said: “Happy to: be alive, healthy, live in LA, be educated.”
And honestly, that’s how simple it is. I’m alive. I’m healthy. I have a home. I am educated. The world is wide, and I am young. There’s so much life to live, so many paths to follow, cities to explore, people to meet.
The past year was hard, but I stayed soft. I let many things go, but held onto what I’ve always known to be true:
My purpose on this earth is to love. To love my friends. To love my family. To love the things I create, the people I pass on the street, the ducks in the park, and my cat curled up at my feet. To love the trees, the earth, the creatures, the sun and rain. To love the music I listen to, the walks I take, the books I read, the food I get to eat.
To love everything, always, completely, with everything I have.
Because honestly? Why not?
#7. Caroline ❤️I mean, everyone already knows how I feel about you, so I won’t go too crazy. But, as the universe once said: before our names were whispered and before our first breaths filled the air, our hearts were stitched together.
People always say how lucky we are to have found each other this early in life and they’re right. I honestly don’t know how I made it through the first 19 years without you. You are my sun. My soulmate. The other half of my brain and my heart.
October 3rd, 2016 is probably my favorite day of my life, because that’s the day our thread finally pulled tight and came tangled together. We’ll die on the same day like Ali and Noah from The Notebook ❤️
#6. I spent a week in one of my favorite places with some of my favorite people.
When I’m with them, everything else fades away. I feel like a little kid again: laughing with my friends, dancing in the kitchen, making up dances in the pool, walking along the beach, and collecting shells. We had “kids only” nights and deep, late-night conversations. Caroline and I giggled while watching the couples be in love from across the room.
The way they show up for each other, and for me, fills my heart with so much light. I wish everyone could experience the kind of love that lives within these people. I think the world would be a much better place if that was the case.
I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done without them these past nine years.
#5. This is Erin, one of my greatest friends on Earth. We met on the first day of political science class in January 2016. She rushed into the room a little late, slightly out of breath, sat down next to me, we made eye contact and burst into giggles. That was it. From that moment on, we were friends.
Erin gave up the chance to have a big, sparkly, fancy New Year’s Eve to fly to LA so I wouldn’t have to spend mine alone. It’s one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. That sacrifice was a powerful lesson in what real friendship is.
She even drove us up to Malibu, which is wild, because I’ve only driven in LA twice, and there she was, fresh off the plane, whipping around canyon roads like a pro. I was so proud of her. It was a bravery I have not been able to experience yet. We stayed in an Airbnb, made vision boards, woke up early, sat on the beach with coffee, and journaled. That day, we also went to the Rose Bowl OSU game (they won, obviously) and crossed a bucket list item off.
Seven days later, most of what we’d seen and admired would be lost to the fires. I feel so lucky I got to experience one of my favorite places one last time and share it with one of my favorite people, before it was forever changed.
#4. Sometimes LA makes me feel suffocated. I just need to look out and see nothing but nature for miles, trees, hills, open sky. So my brother said, “bet,” and took me on the most beautiful hike. We’ve always been super close, but this past year, our siblinghood has grown up a bit, become more honest, more vulnerable. He still makes me laugh with dumb little brother jokes, even in my most stressful moments, because he knows me, truly, with just one look. He’s grown into such a wise, cool, intelligent, hardworking human. I’m unbelievably lucky to call him not just my brother, but my best friend, because who else would make fart jokes while I’m in tears over finding an apartment, paranoid that someone’s trying to scam me?
#3. This was such a good day. I was home in Connecticut, and we went to a flower farm. As soon as I stepped out of the car, a cat came running and meowing up to me. I spent the entire time chasing her around the garden and giving her pets. I had to rush to pick my flowers at the end, but she was such a magical little creature, easily the highlight of the farm.
The best part of my day, though, was simply being outside in the sunshine with my family. We finished the night by heating mini brie wheels like marshmallows over a fire while watching Hallmark movies. Because yes, we are that serious about Hallmark movies, we start in October and even bring the TV outside.
#2. My dad came out to LA for his birthday (though really, it was so we could see Wicked together). His trip was amazing, we stayed in a great Airbnb, watched movies, and ate so much good food. Having him here during such a hard time was a blessing. He is the most supportive and loving father a girl could possibly ask for, he always believes in me, even when I don’t see the path myself. Our many phone calls, texts, and Wordle exchanges made everything feel a little bit safer.
Besides sharing the magic of Wicked with my dad (he cried during The Wizard and I and Defying Gravity, shhh), Wicked itself was life-changing for me. Getting to work on it alongside the most insanely hardworking, driven, and talented team, who also happen to be some of my best friends, was the honor of a lifetime.
I don’t have many photos of us (we’re always too busy working hard 😉), but over the past year, these people have become my family. They’re always the best part of my day, literally, my gratitude journal is filled with highlights like lunch with X and Y, hanging out in so-and-so’s office, or laughing with __. They truly carried me through an incredibly difficult time. Whether it was a ride home, a knowing glance, a funny story, talking about a TV show, arguing about some random topic, or a simple “hey, that sucks and I’m sorry,” they showed me what it means to be seen.
They taught me how to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and that there is more love and support in this world than we sometimes realize. This is another one of those times when words fall short.
I’ve been off in my own world for a while, but now I’m back. I wanted to share a series of photos, moments, and thoughts from the last year that filled me with deep gratitude. Buckle up! :) In no particular order, here is #1:
This past year, I’ve been overwhelmed by the love of my friends. Whether it be daily FaceTime calls that make me laugh so hard I cry, or being sent a stuffed bunny to hug when they can’t be here, a beautiful message in a thoughtful card, or going back and forth with me over text about whatever music we were listening to, political topic we were analyzing, or reality TV show we were watching, these friends have been my lifeline. They’ve shown me what real, soul-deep love looks like, and for that, I am forever grateful.
There are also those moments when friends show up in ways that feel almost like fate: the visits that come at just the right time, the funny photos or videos that start my day off in a moment of love, and the little things that remind me I’m cared for even without asking. They are my lighthouse on a dark night, my boat in rough seas, a comfortable bed after an exhausting week, or walking in the front door after a travel day from hell.
My friends give my life meaning. I tried to write this closing sentence for a while, but I am just filled with the deepest, most profound gratitude and love, and sometimes that feeling is just too big for words. (Not all friends pictured…sometimes you’re just having too much fun to take a photo.)
