Seven years ago, you flew into our lives and nothing was ever the same again. You changed the shape of my heart—of all our hearts. You brought our family together in a way only you could. You gave us more time with Sam, and you illuminated the best parts of him. You gave us all so much love and so much light. As I’ve said before, and I’ll say for the rest of my life: knowing you, loving you, and being known and loved by you is the only part of my life that has ever, or will ever matter. Happy birthday, kid. You were an angel in realtime.
I didn’t think I was one for marriage for two reasons: I didn’t believe I would find someone I could reasonably stomach marrying, and the entire institution seems low-key weird. But then!!!! You meet someone like Dylan. And all of the sudden, all those reasons just kinda fade, and instead you find yourself crying at your friend’s weddings and thinking how cute it all is. And how, in the face of a lot of hard shit, and a world that feels increasingly hopeless, you can stand in front of a person you love and give them your hope and a promise to look to the future. Does this mean I’ve changed my mind about having a wedding? Absolutely not. We’re eloping in 2024. Also, the proposal was the biggest surprise of my life, which only speaks to Dylan’s endless thoughtfulness. But that’s a story for another time.
And just like that, it’s been 6 years. Dylan is the funniest person I’ve ever met in my life. He’s also almost unbearably kind, patient, smart, thoughtful, interesting, and so fun to be around. He inspires me to try and be a little softer; to meet situations with grace instead of defensiveness. He loves me so much and shows that love in the cutest and most chupey ways. I feel infinitely happy to be here, with him, on the quiet and loud days. He is what I think of when I need comfort and support. The life we’ve built is unlike anything I ever thought was in store for me. He is the best thing that’s ever been mine!!!!!!!
Good year! Dyl started grad school, we bought our condo, I changed jobs, I saw some friends (not enough), went to some shows (not enough), traveled (not enough), hung out with my nephew (too much??), drank a lotta coffee, got 9 tattoos in 5 months, listened to more music than 99.5% of Spotify users (psychotic), ate some killer food, learned some shit, took a bajillion pics of flowers, lost some people I love, gained some people I love. Onward!
On the grid, off the grid. Flowers, but make it the largely forgotten trails through Albion Basin. I think the outdoors should be accessible to all, but I also wish we could all be a little gentler on the alpine meadows! Sad when paths you’ve walked your whole life are littered with forgotten debris from folks tryin’ to get that gram. Sigh.
We lost a good one today, folks. If you ask me to tell you my favorite Mary Oliver poem, I couldn’t do it. I could tell you about all the moments her words have provided comfort; I could tell you about the memories I have, reading her poems in friend’s kitchens, laughing into the night. I could tell you about red rock cliffs and the sun setting as I read aloud to friends who are more like family. I could tell you about the dozens of books that occupy my shelves, almost every page dog-eared to share a thought with someone I love. I could tell you about the dozens of times I have run to Mary, heartbroken or confused or overwhelmed with life and sadness. Rest easy on those black sand beaches, friend. The poppies will always remind me of you.
So for now, I’ll share a poem that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately:
There are moments that cry out to be fulfilled.
Like telling someone you love them.
Or giving your money away, all of it.
Your heart is beating, isn't it?
You're not in chains, are you?
There is nothing more pathetic than caution when headlong might save a life. Even, possibly, your own. -Mary Oliver, Moments
