GOOD EVENING to all you football one and all.
The Semen Bile Football club are making a very special appearance in š® print format š® (watch to the end hehe) to be auctioned as part of IMTwenty One at @imtgallery to celebrate their big 21. Opening this Thursday 14th!
More to come on this very talented group of players in due course. The squad usually shy away from the glamour of the big footie lifestyle, preferring to hang back in the changing room and analyse the nutritional data printed on Alan shearerās arse in 1995.
So this is a very special occasion!
Fling yer boots and swing yer brutes,
Mrs Larry Twiniker xxxxxxx
Yoooohoooo noodle flippers!
Either been eating a lot of salami, having a lot of eczema, both, or indeed been thinking about a life without skin as we know it.
Time to walk home on water, skim-reading full fat milk on a tricycle made of travesties.
Keep all the seasoning within reason,
Yours forever in brine,
Mount Etna Devere xxxxxx
SPACE GYM!!!
This is actually an informercial I made in 2022 to help show everyone how easy it is to go to the gym and indeed make lifelong friends there- all you need to do is ask the right questions.
So far Iāve had 6 loyal customers worldwide say itās been a miracle cure for their lifelong aversions to Kiss FM and verrucas alike!
āSince watching Space Gym I only drank Ribena once and spat it out in the Thames immediatelyā- Rose Watson (Peterborough)
āSpace Gym has changed my family, my toe alignment and my Thames Water contract! A miracle!ā- Peter Crouch from Football
āCan anyone implant Space Gym into my brain chip I canāt keep snorting it like thisā- The manager of Silicon Valley (yes really!)
Cheers everyone and keep liftin the spirits high n the dumbbells heavy,
In fortitude,
Lucky Len xxxxxxx
THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP PT. 2) feat my pummelled gum warmed up under my armpit and other cheeky bits of the process.
Laaaaaa Corridor
Nananananaaaa corridor
NANNA NANNA NANNAA Dior weewee palli walli dior door
Sorry you just caught me in the middle of singing the opera song from the British airways tv advert from back in the day! Top tune.
Pummelling gum has been the name on the lips of all chewers pirouetting lifeās forget me nots, forget me sometimes and forget me and Iāll report you to environmental services, Gareth, I mean that.
Cheers and always remember the dogs š§”
Disgracey Solomon xxxxxxx
Guys you donāt need to worry about anything anymore because Iāve started making iridescent football stickers.
Cheers and 3-0 to Tuesday!
Les Banners-Manners xxxxxxx
Yesyes on this day in January 1944 I was born alongside one of the most innovative intergalactic inventions of all time- human blutac.
Please join me in commemorating this pioneering scientific discovery and raise a glass to the rashes of my ageing skin- (recurring eye eczema to be exact), and to the almighty goddess of Hertfordshire, Hydrocortisone.
Yours in the raging sun of Aries,
And for the last bloody time- ee i ee i oh,
Lady Quantam McDonald xxxxxx
Good evening frisky chickens and all those both cooping and coping.
This evening I share a nugget from the bed of burgers, one referred to as āRosemaryās baby for those who donāt season their salads with traditional opinionsā.
Some closeups of the hanging bits from Baby Mobile / Mobile Baby (a sculpture made of all kinds of things I canāt find the list in my notes but itās spicy as petrol sauce).
And a poem by his royal esteemed bedfellow of the crumpet, Dr H Galbertross entitled āMottled chairs? Bottled staresā from c. 1934.
Cheers and if you made it through that then an extra slice of esteem to you and yours,
Stay blessed always,
Mrs. H. Elbows xxxxxxx
šš¢š£šŗ šš°š£šŖšš¦
Stones, epoxy putty, bone, glazed stoneware, hair, latex, iron, disco ball motor.
For hire as a childrenās entertainer and between me and you itās not half bad at disorientating poorly behaved clergymen either.
Spin the wheels and win the deals,
Captain Crisp xxxxx
ā ļø flash warning ā ļø
IāM A DREAMER (2020)
When the party balloons start talking back you know itās time to tie the knot with a couple of ibuprofen, pop the canister on the bannister and call it a night to remember.
Cheers, beers, tears and top gears,
Jesus H Clarkson xxxxxx
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Apparently in 2017 I was busy filming very sensual woollen scenarios on my handicam so you didnāt have to.
Iām not asking for any formal thanks or congratulations but if youād like to reach out informally you can contact me any time between 6-11 on Saturdays so long as itās telepathically and in the key of E minor.
Cheers and rub up only the humblest cubs,
Club Husband š„Ŗ xxxxxxx
Been working on converting nicorette blister packs into church windows.
So far atm just WIPS/MISTER WIPPIES š¦ (as theyāre known in the industry iykyk mainly an in joke with myself hahaha god youāre so funny wanna go on a date with me?)
So far Iāve been approached by the deacons of Ely and Bedford cathedrals and a cafe in Axminster called āJesus Pam Donāt Burn the Polly Pockets Theyāre Reusableā to have them installed above the altars.
So just considering my options atm.
Cheers and stain the mainland,
Garnish Watson xxxxxx
THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP)
A spit-powered Swan Lake feat. balls of spat out gum stuck on my desk maybe for later.
You know when you put gum on the sub bench because itās still got good flavour but you want to have a different snack?
No? Then you could never be the director of the National Saliva Ballet and anyway weāre not recruiting I AM THE DIRECTOR AND ONLY I CAN DIRECT THE BALLET.
So ner ner na ner ner.
Cheers,
Wise Geoff xxxxx
