“there are nights that feel like a mountain climbed, a dream imagined and brought to life, a personal goal reached, a monumental milestone in a journey of mumbled monologues. yeah, this is one of those nights, for sure. for once i feel like i’m living and breathing a moment, and for once i feel like i deserve it.
i’ve come to terms with a lot of things.
i’ve come to terms with the fact that i’m an empath, and feeling too much is not a sin. i’ve absolved myself from the guilt of giving away too much. i’ve learned that envy is earned, and resentment only grows where love used to be.
tonight i’m literally surrounded by stars. sometimes i feel like they’re looking over me, sometimes i feel enveloped and embraced in a cocoon of constellations, but deep down i know i’m just in awe and i’m probably making too much of their presence—same way a lot of people seem to make of mine, i’ve come to realize. i need to learn to allow myself enjoy that too, you know. but i digress.
tonight feels like a night i’ve worked so hard for. a perfect cocktail of soul and solitude, and carefully curated music suited to my current sentiments, conversations with friends, the company of gorgeous women. i’m absolved of the need to provide, to be seen, to be validated. to perform. tonight i’ve learned that maybe it’s not so bad to share, even if they’re just little specks of you.
i need to do better, man. i need to be a little more present, to myself and to others i have claimed to care about. i need to care more about my health. i need to listen to my nervous system the same way i listen to my instincts. i need to be more honest. okay, maybe a little less.
tonight my soul has finally found a song it will keep listening to till it falls asleep.
tonight i’m glad i’m writing again. bleh.” — FIREBOY DML
