𝘍𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳. 𝘍𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦
I hit the on switch and listened to the gears whir to life, screeching as the serrated blade pumped. Blue-orange sparks flew and I froze, fear paralyzing my breath. I can’t do the job, I said, citing my discomfort and irrational aversion to the bandsaw, so threateningly it loomed in my mind. I retreated, defeated, back to the false peace in my shell, my tower of lies.
I can’t, I don’t know how, I’m afraid. I have feeble excuses and worthy ones too. They swarm and pull me back from greater learning and courageous action. They limit me and divorce my actions from my values.
𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦
Poke holes in the fear. See how it implodes. Where does the pus and decay erupt? What scatters like dust on the wind? What cowers and needs to be shredded that will, when prodded, try to shield itself in a panic?
Why do I fear the bandsaw? I wanted to get it perfect on the first try. I need to play and learn and make mistakes. But there was more, an older dread from birth or beyond, so I sat with it all today.
This full moon in Scorpio, uncover one thing that you have been fearful of. Bring it to the light. Sit with it. With every slow inhale and an even longer exhale, settle more fully into the open sky of your mind. Follow the shadow to unravel that tendril of lie, doubt, shame, guilt, anger, regret, pain. The scripts and programming that we have inherited, acknowledge them, then set them to the side. Seek the greater truth, rough, raw and unpolished as it may be. The revelation may sting. It may catch in your throat and churn your gut. You may want to scream and throw up. I promise. You can do this and it IS possible, for the power and strength you need has always been within. Breathe it in, set the rot ablaze, ask for change, and move through it. Move: dance, sing, pray, make a meaningful action of generosity from your purest loving. You may not see it now from these dense thorns but growth will leave the kindest of marks and life will open to you.
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