an ode to Idaho (2 of 2) // It’s been a fortnight. A topsy-turned highway drive, the first real day of snow. We walked out, awaiting first responders, but she—she’d wait for a tow. She was just a car, just a thing… but oh! She was so much more.
Amidst the whiplash and the concussion (my noggin particularly fragile after that first one, seven years ago), I’ve been riding lessons of love and grief. Teachings of non-attachment arriving in the strangest ways.
In the aftermath of a crash where she’d kept us safe, her whole history upturned in my mind—my journey with her, our compromise—my ex and I, him needing something spacious enough to haul materials, me hoping for something a little… smaller. Sleeker.
Little did I know my love for hatchback magic; that she’d transform from our car to mine; that she’d carry me and another partner (vehicleless at the time) into the wilderness.
I never understood why people named their vehicles when I was younger (and a touch more foolish)—brushed it off as a silly thing. But she’s the third named one, the first that became solely mine.
And somewhere in that time, the unseen made itself known to me–a remembrance born from caring for material things deeply, and learning how, often, they care for us back.
#rightrelationship #animism #grief #love #oldways
When did you last say ‘yes’ with the energetics of no? Did you know?
I knew, and I’d said yes anyway.
When I agreed to a hug, because you asked with words—’said’ the right things, yet didn’t know of the grasping at odds with speech.
When I repeated spontaneously shared words because you asked me to say them again, now that you’d hit record—without asking if that was welcome.
And I grieve.
My loves, we’re all touched by the colonial legacy that’s dismantled our power.
My loves, we’re all responsible for imagining and practicing into being a better world.
Can we know what our hearts know?
Can we listen and lead from that place?
Unlearn and learn with me.
Reclaim with me, through the messiness.
#embodiedpoly #consentculture #somaticconsent #relationalethics #embodiedpractice #embodiedboundaries #communitycare #relationalsovereignty #radicalhonesty #listenwithyourheart #oldways
#returntotheoldways #rightrelationship
Autumn lessons from a neighbourhood maple // I blinked and I missed your leaves. Last year I was drawn to walking in the opposite direction of my usual route where you revealed your colours to me; last year I finally noticed your offer of presence—unreservedly.
Yes, hold yourself accountable and hold yourself softly. Know who you are and stand proudly.
Stripped of my leaves, I remain. The adornments and physicalities come and go and as the seasons come and go, I am. At the core is the heart of the tree, the heart of me.
#rightrelationship #morethanhuman #embodiedpoly #wisdomofthetrees #seasonalreflections #reciprocity #livinginrelationship #cyclicalbeing #earthkin #rootedinrelationship #nonlineartime
I wore my keffiyeh at the club, while others costumed in theme. Black light on white, popping fishnets, bold lines, olive leaves.
I danced because I need to—because movement transmutes grief.
How are you present with hands on phones, with cameras snapping carelessly? How might you let go of distraction and tap into the rhythm, the beat? Oh the many who mimic movement, dance for the camera to be 'seen'.
Dear one, why are you here—reaching for false connections through the screen?
Because the same forces behind genocide colonize, conquer and divide our wholeness to sell back to us as myth. The myth of ‘brokenness’ persists.
I wore my keffiyeh at the club—
I danced for All,
I danced for Falasteen.
#embodiedresistance #embodiedpolitics #somaticawareness #movementasmedicine #consentculture #relationalpractice #ancestralremembrance #standwithpalestine #solidarity #endcolonialviolence #rootedinjustice #interconnected #oldways #rightrelationship #embodiedtruth #danceasprayer
When you say “we should go for coffee sometime,” do you mean to offer your presence and ask if I’d meet you there? Or do you simply assume my interest?
Darling, decouple your hopes and desires from your expectations. Examine the subtle assumptions you hold.
I don’t fault you, for the colonial legacy has left us forgetting how to be in reciprocity. We have forgotten that all relationships require consent—that we have relationships to cultivate with all of our relations. We have forgotten that relationship extends beyond ‘intimate partner’ as most have come to know—that consent applies well beyond the bedroom.
A true invitation for exchange is void of entitlement. It asks for openness, curiosity, and a willingness to meet another Being. It asks to meet, not take; to listen, not grasp. True invitations are consent-based, allowing the gift of decline to land, the ‘no’ to be received humbly as a blessing.
It is in this sacred space between yes and no where we can begin to remember the old ways of relating–the ways of reciprocity, presence, and care.
No connection is owed, and every ‘yes’ must be free.
#homecoming #remembering #consent #cocreation #dialogue #consciousconnection #ethicalcommunication #intentionalconnection #relationalpractice #humanconnection #artofdialogue #embodieddialogue #consentculture #returntotheoldways #reciprocity
I only wish for dialogue // I’ve stopped counting the number of times I’ve been approached—in person or online, by familiar faces or strangers—by those drawn to my presence yet unaware of the Rules of Engagement.
It’s by no fault of their own. The colonial impacts of erasure have touched us all, disconnecting us from our inherent remembrance of how to be in right relationship with ourselves and with each other.
I get it. I see your intention. You wish to engage with me, long for connection, desire conversation. With an open heart, thank you.
And intention isn’t enough. I grieve the imbalance you unknowingly volley. You do not yet see the ways your interactions are shaped by the system you move within—and do not yet sense the more nuanced system that extends beyond you.
A true invitation for exchange asks for openness and genuine curiosity to meet me where I am. Which requires pause, invites noticing—allowing for the reveal of unconscious biases and assumptions you hold, allowing for the remembrance to come through. A playground to practice more humility and less ego.
I don’t consent to being spoken at. And I grieve that you may believe you’re speaking with me.
I wish for our collective return to the art of dialogue —remember conversation as a co-created experience, both with and beyond words.
Come, darling. Return to the old ways of being with me—and in turn, with All.
#homecoming #remembering #consent #cocreation #awakening #embodiedpractice #dialogue #consciousconnection #ethicalcommunication #intentionalconnection #relationalpractice #selfawareness #humanconnection #artofdialogue #embodieddialogue #consentculture #returntotheoldways #livingrelationally
sound on! 🔊 // "If looking at my garlic makes you want to touch yourself, I get it. And I consent. 😏🧄" @sub5pace_dj
#asmr #garlic #garlicharvest #tastysnack #consentissexy #farmtofetish
DeepRave: Eclipse was everything you could hope for in a spooky, s3xy dance party. The incredibly hot, curated beats from @sub5pace_dj and @reseter_ofc united people on the dance floor and created a steamy atmosphere for those who were getting their groove on down on the 3rd floor as well 😉
Of course, no Probe party would be complete without decadent treats and non alcoholic drinks, including our delicious blood bags🩸to sip on.
I’m so grateful for all the helping hands involved—from our amazing staff and volunteers to the brilliantly talented people who dream and scheme with us to make these events come to fruition, like @embodiedpoly . You are all so delightful and dedicated, ensuring our community is well cared for. Thank you to everyone who made this event possible, and to all who came out of shake your 🍑 with us!
Can’t wait until the next one on NYE 👀
#probeottawa #probelife #probe #deeprave #sexydanceparty #danceparty #shakeyourbooty #feelinggrateful #kinkcommunity #ottawaevents #ottawa #613events #613 #accessible #inclusive
harvest 2025 // It’s been a week–a blink of an eye or lifetimes–and my heart is still warm.
Thank you to all who shared time and space with me–on and off the dance floor; to new and old connections for co-creating magic; to those who met me in silence, in the depth of shared gaze; to the organizers and crew for lifting up our collective playground.
I’m so glad we last-minute decided to return to @harvestlovesyou –our second and definitely most magical–fueled by carpe diem the moment we saw @andreashenneberg & @bethlydi announced on the line-up, in disbelief we’d catch them in our home province before doing so abroad.
PS: might you be the match that I’ve yet to connect with? With gratitude to @kanga.ruffles for puzzle pendant magic!
sparkle // A whirlwind 24 hours with @djchrisendo at @gaiafest.ca and I’m reminded to listen with my heart, that remembrance is always there. For in our long transition space that’s drawn on longer than either of us anticipated, I’m reminded that beneath turmoil our foundation stands strong.
I prayed the entire drive up, calling in courage for the challenges the weekend would bring; I prayed for teachers to show up in lieu of triggers, for shadows’ wisdom to reveal themselves as medicine. The usual cast of characters would be present and I prayed to stand in my power—and I did. I’m proud I took my space, practiced consent through presence if not words. I am protected; I am guided.
I stayed away from my phone (a practice I’ve been embracing on dance floors) but was glad to catch a couple snaps of us on the way out—especially after a sweet human called out our vibe from afar. No, we hadn’t planned outfits, hadn’t even packed together. This was simply what made sense after a late night of dancing and connection.
On the way home, we stopped for a warm bevvy and snack—the internet guiding us to coffee and Chris tuning into the sweetest vibe of what the search revealed. We landed at Les Saisons in Chelsea, and Chris was right—the warmest space with the loveliest staff, where one of the notes to patrons included “sparkle” in the little upstairs lounge.
*
Do you have any media of Chris making magic (DJing, drumming—especially during @djpaulocardoso ’s set!)? I’d be so grateful if you shared—thank you!
On my birthday this year, I'd watched the Earth breathe—magnified by pines swaying above me from an angle I'd never seen. Before this particular moment, I'd had a few encounters sitting with Mother Earth and catching her breath, syncing mine to hers. It's been part of this month's invitation in a container I'm in*, as I continue to learn from the Spirits and deepen my medicine.
I'd been surprised that She seemed to be breathing shallower and more frequently than I'd expected when I first tried to connect—trusting that this direct way of relating is a remembrance we all carry, not needing some gatekeeper, religion, or drug. I was quietly leveled a few days later, when the wildfire smoke caught up with us—of course it's laboured breath; of course She is struggling.
And yet, She remains here and steadfast—holding us.
Oh! How we've collectively forgotten the meaning of reciprocity, of consent, of being in relationship—through colonization and erasure of what is True. I am here to remember, to reclaim, to remind.
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* @thecreatorcole 's work is a gift, and I'm humbled and grateful to all of my peers walking this path with me.
