My brain as of late.... listen to the lyrics if you can😳
Song: RAWFEAR by Twenty One Pilots @twentyonepilots
Also this took 20 hours to edit... any filmmaker people out there know how hard it is to duplicate yourself in a frame WHILE the camera is MOVINGGG??? Thank the Lord that AI Magic Mask exists.
Hellooooo. It’s been a super long time since I’ve posted or made anything at all really. But this was a music video I’ve been sitting on for about 6 months now. And the story I tried to tell with it pretty much sums up why it took so long for me to finish the project in the first place.
The music video and song is performed by my INCREDIBLY talented friend @jaxon_kronenberg He’s absolutely killing it and growing so much as an artist. I love working with you bro.
The video also takes place on the UT Austin campus where I went to school, as both Jaxon and I have spent a lot of time in Austin.
To me, this story is about someone with a creative brain trying their hardest to live off of their creativity alone. This requires the constant attention of others. It causes the need to perform and get results on a daily basis. This consistently leads to burnout or depression if not handled properly.
I think there’s a part of the creative brain that dies when you constantly measure yourself against where you “believe” you should be or by looking at the thousands of other people “better” than you. You can't help but feel you aren’t doing enough. Comparison has been a constant enemy to me over the years.
I’m 24 now and not super sure where my career will lead. To be honest, the film world really scares me. I fear losing happiness, creative fulfillment, and family/friends to a sacrifice that I know isn't worth it. My heart needs to find another way. But one thing I know is that I feel most alive and without fear when I’m:
1. Reminding myself of the truth of Jesus’ life death and resurrection. Remembering that I can give all my fears to him, that he’s planned my every step.
2. Creating something without expectations just because I’m itching to use that part of my brain.
I gave the final shot of the video a somber tone because I feel that represents the constant reminder of the realities of life that creatives deal with everyday or even multiple times a day. That yes, creating feels great. But at the same time, reality requires things of you. Money, relationships, a career, growth, results…
This season is figuring out what the balance of all that looks like.
Since I've Graduated (approx 20 months)...
1 - new sweater (very itchy)
2 - moved to Korea for a while
3 - made some lifelong friends there
4 - new job/apartment unlocked
5 - learned how to cook in said apartment
6 - learned how to play a song in said apartment
7 - me and my fam
8 - @hudnash sleeping on the floor
9 - my coworker ate it
10 - my puppy dawg
