This film is about a time when I lived in fear. When I was paralyzed by my dreams. I’d lived the life everyone wanted me to live. I had gone my entire life living up to the expectations of people around me. I had something to prove. I chased validation and wanted the respect of those around me. I never felt enough. I wore a different mask in every environment I was in.
When I reached the top, I felt nothing. In fact, I felt nothing for a very long time. I realized that nothing matters. I lived a life that wasn’t mine. I lived multiple lives that weren’t mine.
- Albert Tan
“The tulips are too red in the first place, they hurt me.”
- Sylvia Plath
Originally written in late 2023. This film was completed in August 2025. Released on YouTube April 2026.
Written and directed by: Jacqueline Santana and Albert Tan
Starring Marcie Rich
THE LISTENING ROOM | EP 012: @seunolukanni
Creative Director: @melancholybride
Head of Production + Talent: @_qdizzle
Check out the full video on our YouTube channel (link in bio)
“I didn’t want any flowers, I only wanted
To lie with my hands turned up and be utterly empty.
How free it is, you have no idea how free—
The peacefulness is so big it dazes you,”
Sylvia Plath, “Tulips”
Behind the scenes of TULIPS
a film by Jacqueline Santana and Albert Tan
Unit photographer: @lanadelgrain
Fuji GA645
Kodak Gold 200
Developed and scanned by @photoworkssf
THE LISTENING ROOM | EP 011: @syte___
Creative Director: @melancholybride
Head of Production + Talent: @_qdizzle
Check out the full video on our YouTube channel (link in bio)
THE LISTENING ROOM | EP 011: @syte___
Creative Director: @melancholybride
Head of Production + Talent: @_qdizzle
Check out the full video on our YouTube channel (link in bio)
BEHIND THE SCENES
THE LISTENING ROOM | EP 011: @syte___
Creative Director: @melancholybride
Head of Production + Talent: @_qdizzle
BTS / RN: @_.isisarce
Check out the full video on our YouTube channel (link in bio)
