Spring has sprung.
The build has begun.
My medication has leveled
And I no longer feel disheveled.
A physical weight balancing out the emotions
Warmth and light and joyous explosions.
I washed my hair and ate good food
Spent time with friends and got tattooed.
Just over one week into a new medication and *knock on wood* I'm finally feeling the type of relief I imagined and hoped for once I started. This was the second medication I've tried. The first one really knocked me on me arse and truly made me understand how even beginning a treatment can be incredibly taxing on the body and the brain. I was really lucky to have the support I did because that was no fun. There's been heaps of lessons on this process, most of which were quite uncomfortable to experience in my body, but to have had a full week where I made it to the gym, painted some cool stuff, saw my friends, noticed the accidental sculptures, got a tattoo, and finally clocked in some decent sleep??? Come on nowww, doesn't get much better than that!
I've always been quite open about my mental health struggles so I figure a little update is past due, not because I owe anyone any information, but because transparency has been helpful before and I think it can be this time too.
I was finally formally diagnosed with depression. In reality, that's basically the equivalent of the doctor having told me the sky is blue. No one was shocked or surprised. Still, I felt quite mixed about the diagnosis and about having this thing that has taken so much of my time be named and given a prompt set of potential solutions so simply. With an almost ease, the doctor told me what medicine to try, how it would feel, and that I should feel better soon. My bro, this isn't a common cold...this is my emotions and the depths of the feelings I can feel and how heavy they can get. No, just take the pill. So, I have been for some weeks now and though it's not as simple as the doctor put it and the side effects are kicking me square in the ass, it feels good to know I'm now really, actually doing something and more importantly that I don't have to normalize the destructive and isolating ways I have been coping with depression my whole life. I don't think I'll ever not feel as much as I feel and sometimes that's bound to overwhelm me, but hopefully now I won't be so stuck working through the emotions that I miss time with my friends, time to tell my parents I love them, time to take care of myself, time for love and art and joy. So, one day at a time it is.
Anyway, here's some cute photos of me.
Some BTS from the @hermanoskoumori + @adidasrunning shoot in Athens. This was a special one. I felt particularly Latino and that's always a plus.
Joe took these BTS shots, but I don't know his IG. As soon as I find out I will share it here because come on, the pics are fantastic.
FOUND JOE 📸 @osheajoe , thank you Joeee
#anzeige Some tasty stills from one of the most beautiful places I've ever had the pleasure of visiting. I can't wait to go back! Till then, these will more than do @googlepixel #teampixel
#anzeige Allora, this was one heck of a special week. I'm not normally the type to capture a lot of the bits around me, but a fresh @googlepixel proved a great incentive to document this brief slice of Sardinian life. 10/10 would recommend. #teampixel
