A look at the present. Meaningful change is methodical, requires patience and acceptance. Wings don’t simply snap on, though costume flaps are available at any old corner store these days. It is easier to kick and scream on the way into the chrysalis than to take the appropriate breath of acceptance. But with acceptance comes a true sense of place, a bit of belonging. Progress is slow, but palpable.
Grief is a patient companion.
If I’m to act naturally and be honest with you (my most polarizing of traits), the last twelve or so months have been some of the most personally eroding I can imagine.
Now, please don’t think too much about my personal circumstances. I have a wonderful support system, a partner who I love and loves me through and through. I have great friends, in many corners of our small world, and my tally for loss is certainly no higher than another.
I’ve been more certain and at ease creatively than ever before. This could be a whole essay in and of itself. I am more confident about what I do, wholly aware and present in its conjecture, than ever before. Ready to pivot when properly pushed.
But something about the air feels thicker on my lungs. The ghosts and their misses all seem to taunt me more persistently than ever before. I remember more readily when I misspoke. I think of my mother, who I only knew until I was 10, more often than ever.
Now, part of this is almost certainly just getting older - more things happen, so there’s more that sticks to you.
Yeah, this year has been difficult. The loss of our first dog, Lilah, hangs onto me like it’s got something to prove. The choice to let the studio I ran go was intentional, calculated, the correct move to make, and still running over me emotionally like a train crosses over a coin.
On the other hand, I am home. I am safe. I am loved, and I am aware.
If you haven’t in a while…or maybe you haven’t ever? I highly encourage an all analog evening. Drink some wine, listen to a record or two, make a fancy dinner, clip your cats nails, play tic tac toe, read a book, give someone a hug or two. #analog
She was there when we got engaged, and still there when we got married. She was there to comfort me when my brother, my dad, my grandmother, and one of my closest friends passed. She loved to lay under the piano when I’d try to play, same with the drum set. She had a band, and plenty of songs named for or written about her. Every night she snuggled mom, then moved to my side in the morning to trap me in bed, especially if I had somewhere to be. Quintessential dog in most ways, but with an extra dose of love and loyalty.
This past year was full of good days for her. Long walks under canopy of elder trees, almost always a light breeze. Visits to our favorite spots downtown. Studio supervising. Always right next to me, the best set of ears and extra paws I could ask for. Home-cooked meals. So many good snuggles.
I wish she were here to comfort me now, like she has so many times before. My North Star. My first baby. My best friend. My constant sense of home. I love you, Lilah Bean. Thank you for 14 years of pure love. It never would’ve felt like enough time, and everything feels impossible without you.
Working on Smashism. Spent a few days at one of my favorite studios inching Adam’s new record toward completion. Getting set up in some temporary digs while I build out the new home base. Lots of contemplating and mouth sounds. Expanded the family.
Our newest member destroyed our car, now it’s belly-up in the driveway. We meditate together with long, soft whole notes.
Life is full. Chaos and serenity abound, gently balancing the scales.
An incredible run, in a magical space. I’m ready for tomorrow, and so grateful for today. The walls, floors, and ceiling sang along, as they so often have, on our last session @oldhousestudio . Thanks @chadlawson@troyconnguitar and @alexanderleejacobs for the perfect day to pull us across the finish line.
The cat’s been out of the bag for a while now, but there doesn’t really seem to be a “right” way to make an official announcement - so here it is, plain and simple:
Old House Studio is closed.
It was an incredible 26+ year run.
We’re quitting while we’re ahead, and I’m personally working on becoming more nimble in a tumultuous and uncertain climate.
The building will go on the market around June 1 and will likely sell quickly.
It will not be for lease, and Old House Studio the business is not for sale, but permanently closed.
I’m building a new studio for myself, where I’ll continue producing and mixing full time - and I’m hoping to travel a lot more too.
The piano along with all my favorite instruments and bits will be coming to keep making records too!
There is a good bit of gear that will be for sale - the console, lots of drums, some mics, outboard gear, and other hardware.
If you’re interested, reach out and I’ll send you a list.
We’ll also have an open house/sale in a few weeks, where you can grab all sorts of goodies.
My heart is heavy, but I’m not sad.
I’m excited for what’s ahead, and I’m grateful.
Thank you to everyone who spent time and poured their hearts out here - I know it’s meant the world, not just to myself.
I’m real bad at keeping you all updated here in the interwebs. But hey, everything’s moving along swimmingly. Things are as always. Ahead of something’s, behind on everything, surrounded by good people making great art and oh…someone has been steeling my cookies 🤔
