To my Constutuency,
Alert the press. I have an announcement. I am Banksy, and I have been all along. You may have a lot of questions. Some of those questions might be “What?”, “Really?” and “Hold on, didn’t Banksy start making art in the early 90’s, when you would have only been a few years old?”.
Allow me to answer those questions:
1. You heard me.
2. Yes.
3. I’m 29. Your math would imply that I’m in my early 30’s. Which I am not. Please don’t age me more than I already am. Time hasn’t been kind to me.
(Wait. Hold on. Please forget that I answered that last one. Knowing that info destroys my dramatic reveal. What I should have said is that I’m actually 38, and was just a ludicrously talented child. As a wunderkid, I was able to do both freehand graffiti, as well as stenciled pieces of work. From the first week of my life, I not only learned to speak, but I became enraged at the injustices of life. However, since I was not yet a skilled public speaker, I felt that politics were not in my future. Instead, I made my high pitched babbling heard on a international stage by putting various artworks around the world (I was able to travel on my own before I could walk. I was born with a passport in my hand (it helps that Ryanair is terrible at paying attention to customers, especially those who can crawl right past the check in line at ankle height). From there, my fame would skyrocket. And as much as I would have loved to enjoy the rockstar lifestyle à la Ƭ̵̬̊, My parents did not allow it. They put me into one of those bouncing seats and gave me a series of shaped wood blocks to place into similarly shaped holes. Although this was effective at entertaining my undeveloped (but genius) mind, it also prevented public appearances. So I remained anonymous. Until now. (But as a reminder, that explanation only makes sense if you forget the information that I revealed earlier. You just need to remember this legitimate (not fabricated) story that you just read. I promise that I am Banksy and there’s no reasonable way for you to prove that I’m not.)
Anywho.
📍 Dragonfly
⌚️ 5:45pm
🗓️ August 6th-30th (not Mondays)
Ticket link in bio.
Love,
- Cobin
Poster by @_b3kk1_ ❤️
To my Constituency,
I am currently in Rome, and it feels like an appropriate time to share this reel of a routine I’ve done for ages about the Romans, and one specific Roman in particular.
In this clip, I also get heckled and I lash out. It’s not relevant. I just didn’t have a better video of the clip. I need you to understand that content creation is hard, and then I need you to forgive me.
Love,
- Cobin
#comedy #standup #standupcomedy
We're reviving a classic this Wednesday! The show will be stupid and a lot of fun!
On May 6th, Auld Cheeky is reviving a very old format that we used to do called “Wheel of Misfortune”.
In this show, every act does a full set of brand new material, and the audience is allowed, nay- Encouraged to heckle.
Every act must be doing new material. If the audience, or another act has heard that new material before, the comedian will get booed, alongside the heckles that come alongside it. So it has to be super fresh!
Last time we did this (which was like, 3 years ago judging on the photo used in the picture), it was a lot of fun.
The sign up link for comics is in our bio.
To my Constituency,
For the fourth consecutive year, I have found myself in the possession of a headshot that is roughly identical to the previous year’s edition of the photo.
In previous years, the headshots have recieved mixed reception (which is to say that they are universally reviled by people from all walks of life. Everyone from painters to graffiti artists despise them).
I am always intrigued by the hatred, as I have never once posed for one of these photos, and they are always taken without my knowledge. All I do is stand outside of Storries Bake shop once every 12 months at about 4am, while preparing to absolute shithouse a pie to satiate my very satiable hunger. Like clockwork, an unknown figure leaps out from the shadows wielding a mid-teir, consumer quality micro four thirds Panasonic camera with a variable 14-140mm lens, and an on-body LED 6000k light to provide additional illumination. From there, the mystery photographer screams “Hey pie boy” in a very unenthusiastic, yet demanding voice. It scares me, as it would anyone who has been in this situation once a year (as I have have been).
And as anyone would do, I whip my head around to see who is attempting to take a photo of me in my unnatural habitat. Of course, I do not take my mouth off of the greasy, greasy Storries pie, as drinking the grease is my secret tool to prevent wrinkles, and 9 out of 10 dermatologists HATE me for this.
From there, they snap exactly two photos and disappear into the abyss. Within 8-18 working days, a floppy disc that contains both images arrives through my letterbox along with several foreclosure notices for homes that I have not owned for at least a few years now.
The first photo is always of the highest quality, and the second photo is consistently a indescribable lovecraftian horror that scares dogs (but not cats, interestingly).
The first photo gets used as my comedy photo. The second photo is used to get information from terrorists in an undisclosed location, with the full knowledge of the CIA, but not yet the general public.
Love,
- Cobin
HEY HI HOWDY HAPPY TODAY TO YOU AND YOURS, WE HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THAT WE’VE BEEN VOTED BEST OPEN MIC IN SCOTLAND 2026!
This was a fan voted award, and we’d love to thank absolutely everyone who voted for us this year! It’s truly an honor to have a show with such a supportive and enthusiastic group of people around us. We couldn’t have done it without all of the legends who come out week after week and join us for the shows!
We’d also like to thank all of the comics who come and perform with us, as without them, it would be an awfully dull evening.
We’d also love to thank our home at @artisanroastleithwalk , who has been nothing but unendingly supportive over the years!
Thank you all for another great year!
We’ll see you tonight, see you next Tuesday, and see you around x
Love,
- Cobin & Giulia
To my Constituency,
Against all advice from all of my mentors, I decided to not put a poster for my @glasgowcomedy show out well in advance. I decided to wait until the opportune moment, which was today (it seems).
This is the show. This is the poster. Tickets are at the link in my bio.
Love,
- Cobin
P.s. Some people have alleged that this poster and title imply some darker undertones. There are none. But I’ve changed the title for the fringe just in case (this doubles as a heads up that I’m doing the fringe).
we should probably make a post on the tips account too but
cobin has some how convinced me to do GICF, it's at the end of the month, so if you live in glasgow come to our show.
additionally we are restarting our podcast. most likely we'll do it in short bursts of episodes at a time, you know, like british telly. you can find more details on @touchingtipswithfriends for both things.
HELLO EVERYONE
WE HAVE REBOOTED THE PODCAST
TOUCHING TIPS WITH FRIENDS: DEAD FRIENDS
FIRST EPISODE COMING SOON (THURSDAY)
@grince_carson@cobinmillage
#comedy #podcast
To my Constituency,
This is the most expensive joke that I have ever told.
This is part 4 of 4. No go enjoy your life elsewhere.
Love,
- Cobin
#comedy #standup #roast
To my Constituency,
There is no end to the hatred that I have for Ross Leslie, even though he is frequently very kind to me.
This is part 3 of 4. Enjoy.
Love,
- Cobin
#comedy #standup #roast
To my Constituency,
I failed to do my research into big @rosslesliecomedy before our roast, and I paid the cost. It was beyond embarrassing, and I am frankly ashamed that I have to continue to give the world content.
This is part 2 of 4. Enjoy.
Love,
- Cobin
#comedy #standup #roast
