a late gram from a year ago when i was working in hartford.
i ran up to maine as fast as i could for just one night.
then two.
i found out @kasamachicago was at a pop up at @bar_futo .
there is nothing like driving but the coast of maine.
get off 95.
and take the drive.
route 1 and then 9
slow on the curves up to portland.
follow the never ending walls of stone in the wood.
stopping in small towns as soon as you get over the memorial bridge.
perkins cove is a must.
Leave your prints on the beaches of york ogunquit and wells
walk marginal way.
for a delicious larger at stop @sacredprofanebrewing in biddeford.
it’s hard to beat.
walk the docks in old port and stop for oysters hslf way up the hill at @eventideoysterco with a frozen mignonette or kimchi ice.
dinner at @twelvemaine which is and always be a special place for ryan and me. the food and drink are impeccable.
so much care id put into it all, and @peachcoloredglasses creates the most beautiful breads and sweet endings every night.
it was worth getting up at 5am to drive back to @hartfordstage for tech so i could enjoy @geniekwon and @timflores modern classic fillipino bites.
something i havedone, but now really do is,
just fucking do it!
smell the wind and salt air.
taste earth and salt water.
feel the love strangers give you at a bar. like the woman celebrating life at bar futo. it’s the best.
#cancer #goforit #bsbcancer #stage4cancer #youonlyliveonce
we had such a wonderful easter in the woods once again. we were sad not to have @nocrumbsleft adding to the laughter and menu, but we know we will see her soon. roy made a feast for fools and stuffed us to our loins. 🥵 karen’s dessert was scrumptious and even my sunny d flavored peeps mimosa weren’t bad. my egg hunt was a huge success although we are still missing a yellow egg…. happy happy y’all. the dough has risen.
the water pulled me.
it always does.
but on this day the light leaving did too.
moving more.
it was rushing past the line of no return.
a message of loss was shared.
twenty six years without sharing a glance again. you pulled me to the water.
i reached out when i first found out.
i always try to.
there were enough people around.
but no one on your side like me
or we.
use our shoulders when you can.
our ear.
our pain.
our experience
and thought
and love.
a priceless gift.
our brothers and sisters have always been.
but now they are gone and learn from them.
from you.
i am so sorry for this journey james.
i understood the hype in the public eye as that does lift and raise.
but it falls fast.
the time with your family will forevermore last.
time is all we have to give.
laughs.
the tears.
honesty.
the fears.
out of my car to get my feet on the frozen sand.
i just got to the orange flame to say my goodbye before it sunk into that icy land.
goodbye D
goodbye J.
goodbye to boy in a boat we once knew. we shared some space so long ago with so few.
e.t. on your bed rizzo in mine
goodnight james.
we all wish you had more time. @vanderjames
i’m always late to the game.
or at least i have become this way at this stage in my life.
yes posts are fleeting moments.
but i haven’t caught up to this past year. travels.
excitement.
loss.
future.
survival.
cancer.
you will take note that everything in these nine photos is about cancer.
i can’t say that i love that but i have to be honest.
even when life isn’t about cancer.
it is.
it’s life and will be death eventually.
i really try to be support our community while being honest, but i am also good about telling you how good life is.
and sometimes it’s really exhausting taking care of you.
but that is who i am.
that is who i’ve always been.
and i’ve really been coming to grips about the how & the why.
my mother took extra special care of me because she saw how week my heart is.
and my dad says your just like mom in his old age. i think it’s a beautiful memory that expands his memory when his thought releases those words.
i’ve finally let go of dan.
he takes to much and gives nothing back and he finds pleasure in my pain that i know will eat at his being while temporarily lifting himself.
their years of abuse,
from their lack of love
or thought
or care.
It’s a huge step.
and we are surrounded by so much love from friends who have become family here and all over there.
thank you for that.
it’s been a complicated year but also a good year.
i guess every we live together is a good year now.
we are almost 6 years into the journey.
we still fight for right.
we still know truth.
we still fear for this future but at the moment it’s not because of cancer.
let’s stand together with our arms locked. our hearts melded.
and our eyes looking to tomorrow and understand what we must do to keep us all alive.
much love.
let’s not forget who we are!
#fuckcancer
#FuckICE
#bsbcancer
what a great honor to work with these amazing artists this year as they put their trust and some their lives in my hands.
i have been part of the wallenda family for 25 years thanks to Lijana Wallenda and Nik Wallenda Erendira Ashton-vazquez and i have been collaborating for 21 one of those years.
i have the great fortune of becoming members of so many families from the street on which i was born,
to my current cancer family,
one of which had no choice.
but there is something so special about my circus family.
they put their life on the line and often in my hands with my lights.
i respect their words and thought when i direct them and light them and collaborate to put all of these acts together to make eredira‘s stories come to life.
that is why i had to fly down in 2017,
the day after i got word about the fall.
the wallendas fell from the wire while rehearsing the 8 person pyramid.
i booked my ticket as soon as i heard. there was no question.
it was an exhausting trying time for the family on the wire and those on the ground.
eight years later lijana returns to the wire in the tent over the ground from which she fell.
we have seen her walk over time square with nik and i just watched them walk over each other on the wire to light the tree at utc.
but nothing compares to that wire above that ground in that tent.
and just like the name of this years show you have to believe.
come on down to our brand new tent in sarasota for some holiday cheer and you will believe again. #wonderlandbelieve #bsbdesign #bsbdirects
it has been a year babe,
hasn’t it?
maybe not our best year.
but a great year for sure,
full of adventure.
we made it through our first year by the wood,
kept with love and care.
we made our wedded wonder true.
we left the country for a few days
a gift for thus two
a minute of real freedom.
you push yourself hard to continue to grow young.
its a wonder to watch.
our new life out here is a view of new master builder.
what will we build next?
thank you for your continued care for me on our strange strange journey we have been forced into.
i am forever grateful.
24 of 24 to 24 of 25.
happy new year babe.
