Mami. no te veía desde el día que te enterré, hace 16 años.
Parte de eso fue el miedo a volver a vivir el peor día de mi vida.
Otra parte vino de la vergüenza.
Vergüenza de no haber cumplido con las expectativas que tenías para mí.
Cualquier sueño, amor o vida que tenías pensada para mí se fue perdiendo con los años desperdiciados en la depresión, la adicción y un descuido total.
Después de cumplir los 30 supe que ya era hora de darte la cara y pedirte perdón por haber tardado tanto en venir a ti.
Con los años me abrí con muchas personas “de confianza” sobre lo que se sentía perderte y no querer seguir sin ti. Muchas de esas personas usaron mi amor por ti pa’ su propio beneficio.
Abusadores que se agarraron de ti, de la poca esperanza que me quedaba en el mundo, y me la arrancaron.
Personas que me dijeron que nunca te haría sentir orgullosa. Que nunca llegaría al día en que pudiera volver a verte.
Sé que el espíritu se encargará de todas las faltas que cometieron contra mí, así que no tengo que seguir adelante con ni una gota de venganza en el corazón.
No voy a huir de lo que mis ancestros quieren para mí.
Y eso es verme envejecer con una vida bien vivida, tal y como tú la habías planeado. Gracias por nunca dejarme.
Tu amor me hace bien. ..
Sometimes there has to come a point in your life where you surrender that “give a dog a bone” mentality and realize you’re worth so much more than what you’re getting.
As much as I wish to adopt the mentality, I’ve never been an opportunist.
I’m not impulsive. And I don’t make decisions out of desperation despite my fight or flight kicking in.
But, often in my life NOT taking the risk has lead to stagnation. Settling.
Finding myself in spaces where I wish I would’ve asked for more.
My hope for all us is that one day we will not keep living a life of dystopia.
That we are paid well and our belly’s full and our loved ones safe.
These days I often think about something my mother used to say to me growing up - “never borrow anything you cant give back”
I guess the same holds true in regards to, never give anything you can’t get in return.
Save your time, your love and your hope for those things in your life that do not feel like a deduction. Now is a pivotal moment in time where everything counts. EVERYTHING.
Don’t leave this life empty handed.
“Addicted to how much you try”
The sentiment true, withholding nothing.
How much of ourselves can we really give to others, all the while remaining whole?
Remaining sane?
We strive for something close to perfection knowing it doesn’t exist.
Blinded by glittering golds and verdant greens. Knowledgeable in that fact that fake grass is still just as green.. just as vibrant.
We stare into glass molds of who we’ve been and who we think we are and tell ourselves “you are ready for the world, the way it is now. You can adapt. You can be satisfied.”
Although, every lesson in life has taught us that we’ll never truly be ready of what’s to come.
We are steadfast and loyal in preparation.
Promising we will be home before dark.
I am no victim.
And yet, a participating martyr for the laughter.
In the moments of being tucked underneath callowness asylum.
I am nothing more than a diminutive child in the grasp of loves embrace.
A player in the sadistic game of worship and its tender submissions.
Searching as those before me have.
And those before them.
Thanking all for the best day of my life, even if this day is all I anticipate to have left.
What’s the point? Well, YOU of course.
Beautiful & boundless.
You mix blue with gold and green.
Look, it’s a glittering earth.
And wherever you’re going, I’m going that way ✨
#appreciationpost
