Piece 1 from our 3 round slam last night! I started this poem back in September after visiting my mom’s family in New York and didn’t finish it until a couple weeks ago. Wild how writing gets deeper when you let it marinate. Feeling SO grateful I get to be on San Diego’s Slam team and create alongside such badass people. 🧡
Usually with spoken word, we trim and trim to keep our words precise. But some pieces aren’t meant to be edited or cut down — some just come straight from the heart.
Words can’t fully express how grateful I am for my friendship with Chelze. Anyone who crosses her path benefits from her light — the way she fiercely advocates for others, encourages people to fully express who they are, and models love so effortlessly.
The first time I ever grabbed a mic to share spoken word was actually at Astralab… because Chelze sent me in her place for their first event a year and a half ago.
In many ways, our friendship helped heal my voice. After years of being told in different ways that my emotions were “too much,” she reflected parts of me back with love — helping me realize it wasn’t that I feel too deeply, but that sometimes others simply don’t feel deeply enough.
I’m deeply grateful for spaces like this, and for people like Chelze who uplift individuals and build community.
If Chelze has ever touched your life, please send her prayers today as she undergoes her stem cell transplant and heals bakhair.
And if you’re able to donate or share her GoFundMe, it would mean so much.
Link in bio. 🤍
Sunday we gathered for Chelze Jaan — surrounding her with love before she begins her stem cell transplant today.
Moments like this remind you how powerful community really is. The prayers, iftar, the hugs, the laughter, the showing up… it all matters.
If you’re able, please keep Chelze in your prayers, donate, or simply share her story. Every act of support helps carry her through this chapter.
Thank you to everyone who organized, cooked, showed up, and held space for her. It meant more than words can truly capture.
To Madina Jaan for initiating this gathering, her nourishing soup, and being such a pillar of presence.
To Samia Jaan for her grounding reflections, reminders, prayers through dance, and the beautiful spread of food.
To Christina and Yusuf for always sheltering community through Astralab and through their open hearts.
And to every single person who came with a full heart — with love, tears, and joy.
GoFundMe link in my bio if you’d like to contribute or send Chelze some love. 🤍
#afghanamerican #leukemia #community #fundraiser
Super Bowl Sunday hit different.
I had a beautiful weekend. And then Sunday came and i had no desire to watch the game or be around people.
What was left was grief.
Grief for the slow erosion of institutional trust.
For me, that’s looked like hyper-independence.
In relationships.
In how I relate to power.
In how much I let myself need anyone.
I’ve realized my reluctance to express emotion in real time isn’t just avoidant attachment — it’s structural. We live in a society where dependence is framed as weakness and care is often transactional.
That said, I love people deeply.
But when my feelings are big, I need solitude. Time. Space.
In theory, the right people would help me metabolize faster. In theory, co-regulation is medicine.
But I find that most people will validate your feels to the point that they stoke the fire (kind, but can keep you dysregulated).
Or they will try to soothe and distract you out of your anger (protective, but often dismissive).
Both will often leave you feeling alone in your body.
So oftentimes my safest container is myself. Via self-witnessing.
Vlogging my thoughts.
That self-witnessing gives me the validation I need to move forward without bypassing or getting stuck. So I can accept and move forward without bleeding on everyone around me.
What I fear is for us to “heal” ourselves into silence.
Regulation matters. I believe that deeply.
Morning sunshine and practicing gratitude are some
of my favourite drugs.
But wellness without justice becomes sedation.
I don’t want to numb out.
And I don’t want to explode.
I want to metabolize.
The real work feels like holding two truths at once:
You can love your life and grieve the world.
You can protect your nervous system and stay politically awake.
Maybe I’m not stubborn.
Maybe I’m discerning how to love inside a system that doesn’t reward tenderness — without abandoning myself to survive it.
More thoughts on civic grief in latest post.
love,
Soph
#weekendvlog #superbowlsunday #emotionregulation #grief #civicengagement
Civic grief is real.
And if you’ve been feeling more exhausted than informed lately, that’s not weakness. That’s awareness.
For some of us — especially those with marginalized identities — we were never raised to believe institutions were fully stable or protective.
But many of us were raised to believe they were improving.
That progress was linear.
That the arc bent steadily toward justice.
Watching that belief erode in real time does something to the nervous system.
It fractures trust.
It breeds hyper-independence.
It creates anger that doesn’t know where to land.
Rage is not pathology.
It is the body refusing to normalize what isn’t normal.
But anger is directional.
Uncontained, it consumes you.
Metabolized, it builds stamina.
And stamina is political power.
If we are only ever taught to self-regulate — but never to question the structure — we become beautifully adjusted to what harms us.
You are allowed to protect your nervous system.
And you are allowed to demand structural integrity.
Both are required.
We don’t need infinite coping.
We need clarity.
We need containers strong enough to hold grief without collapsing.
We need endurance that outlasts outrage.
This isn’t about panic.
It’s about staying regulated enough to remain conscious.
with love,
Soph
#grief #civicengagement #ice #epstein #dailyreminder
Love is in the air!
This week a stranger asked me if I believe in love at first sight and soulmates. As a certified lover girl I got the widest grin at the opportunity to answer — my response was along these lines and his reply made me want to write about it and share.
I really do believe our most important soul mate is the one we carry. So if you don’t have romantic love in your life this Valentine’s Day I hope you’re still loving your own soul 💕
#spokenwordpoetry #loveatfirstsight #soulmates #relatable #valentinesday
🖕🏼🧊 - 🍊🎂 RECIPE BELOW
Gluten-Free Orange Almond Cake
I used:
• 3 whole oranges (any kind works — mine were blood oranges)
• 3 cups almond meal
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 6 eggs (bring to room temp)
• 1 ¼ cups sugar
How to make it:
Boil the whole oranges for 45 minutes.
After the first 10 minutes, drain and replace the water to reduce bitterness.
Let cool slightly, then blend the oranges whole — peel, pith, everything.
Whisk eggs + sugar until light in color and airy.
Mix almond meal + baking powder separately.
Fold everything together gently — don’t overmix and deflate the air you just whipped in.
Line or oil your tins. I used two 6x2 rounds and made two cakes — you can halve the recipe for one or adjust pan size accordingly.
Bake at 350°F for about 45 minutes, until set and golden.
Dense. Moist. Naturally gluten-free.
Sweetness doesn’t happen by accident.
Someone planted it.
Someone harvested it.
Someone packed it.
Gratitude, awareness and RESISTANCE pairs well with dessert.
#grainfreebaking #glutenfreedessert #orangecake #fyp #trialreel
Can’t argue with nature!
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Did you know for many flowers cutting the male parts delays aging because once reproduction is triggered resources get rerouted and it signals the end of the bloom?
This makes me think of women and how studies show women who marry later and have children later are happier and live longer. Hard to explain to your brown immigrant families but I don’t think marriage and kids should be pressured on anyone before they’re ready for that chapter. And honestly it’s such a privilege to get to know and tend to yourself before devoting your life to building a family.
So I’m not anti-men or marriage, I’m just selective about the pollen. I want to keep blooming.
#datinginyour30s #selfgrowth #relatable #brownculture #healthylivingtips
California baby who thinks below 60 is cold
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In all seriousness mad respect and love to everyone dealing with the cold of Mother Nature and human nature.
#californiasunset #sandiego #sunsetcliffs #sunsetdinner #chicken
Happy New Year! Rung in 2026 at the Chiang Mai CAD Khomloy Sky Lantern Festival and wow what a dream - I feel like I was in a Disney movie the whole time.
Lit lanterns and made wishes for myself, my community, my friends, and our greater globe. May 2026 be the best year yet 💙🧿🩵
#khomloyskylanternsfestival #chiangmai #newyear2026 #yummyyummy #thailand
