I’m ✨31✨today!! Usually on my birthday I feel a type of sadness, something I’ve never been able to fully pin point a reason. I didn’t put any pressure on this year, no planning, no expectations, and I feel the most content I ever have on a birthday. Because the reality is, today feels like it did yesterday and how it most likely will tomorrow. It’s just a day that doesn’t define anything. Today, I’m just happy that I made it another year, that I have a body that can eat and function and isn’t on the brink of death. I didn’t have that last year! I’m grateful to age and do it all again!!✨
So incredibly proud of @stargazer_visuals and all the work they put into their art and this set. All production is art and a labor of love that I think people don’t always think about. Watching them work so hard over the years and then get to see them check off a festival and work on that incredible set was so special.
Beyond was my first festival since being really sick and it was so incredible to be there supporting Claudio and getting to experience everything. The vibes were high, finally got to see Sara Landry (10/10 no notes 🥵 ), and just had a really incredible weekend. Really thankful to Claudio and Zomboy’s team for letting me be there 💕✨
It’s world IBD day! 🚽 It’s important to remember while IBS is a terrible thing to live with, it is it not the same as IBD. IBD has many diseases, crohns being one of them that changes people’s lives completely. It’s so much more than a bad tummy ache. It’s constant anxiety. Constant pain. Never knowing what tomorrow is going to bring. Health complications not even related to the stomach. Fear of making plans and the future. It’s lonely hospital stays. It’s not being able to keep up with medical appointments because you have so many. Having friendships diminish because you can’t keep up with them. People not understanding. Realizing people don’t care as much as they say they do. Watching your loved one’s lives through photos because you can’t be there. Having your favorite foods and activities taken away. It’s always important to remember that just because someone’s been through a lot, doesn’t make what they’re going through any easier, and just because you can’t always see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. #ibd #ibdawareness #crohns #crohnsdisease
Usually my end of year recaps are sappy as hell but this year kicked me in the balls and was the lowest of lows. Even though I had probably my worst year to date, and I’m still not out of the trenches, there was still things to be thankful for. Even better yet, I’m so hopeful that next year will be better and I can stick to my goals and return to looking at life through a more romantic lens ✨✨ and thank you to Claudio for being a rock and taking care of me and my chronically ill ass all year long 💕
I always feared getting older but as someone who has faced deaths door more times than I should have; I’ve realized what a privilege aging really is. I’ve fought really hard to stay alive all of these years, and I’ll never stop doing that and I am so grateful to have made it out of my 20’s. I’m so thankful to my 20’s as hellish as there were sometimes. I found myself, my boundaries, greater love than I could have expected, what I care about, and what brings me joy. This last year of my 20’s has really kicked my ass, and I’ve really had to claw to 30, but I made it!! The cliche “life is what you make it”, really is true and I want nothing more than never stop fighting and have my 30’s be what everyone says your 20’s are. Life is a revolving door that I can’t wait to see what’s next ✨✨
Deciding to go to Shambhala a week after my mom died was a really hard decision because it felt like I wasn’t allowing myself to grieve properly or I was diminishing the loss of her. I was also afraid of the way people might judge me for it. Ultimately I decided that there really wasn’t any better way to honor her than to go out and do the thing I love and I’m very glad that I did.
It’s not to say that it was all laughter and smiles the entire time, but I think it helped me more than sitting in my apartment and crying for a week straight. I was able to remember her more than just mourn her. Things reminded me of her in the best way, and I found her in the smallest of things. The people there remind me why I’m apart of this scene and to not let the Seattle/US rave/edm scene ruin how I feel about that sometimes. There’s good and bad in everything, and sometimes I focus hard on the bad. It’s easy to kind of forget yourself and who you are in grief, especially when you’ve been grieving for 5 long years and I was able to find a bit of myself again while being disconnected from the drama that is ✨life✨.
God bless Claudio for not only dealing with my mood swings, but also dealing with them while building and tearing down a campsite. I’m thankful to be reminded that I not only live for myself and the people I love, but to carry her on now. Also love that all these years of trying to see Anderson paak, shambs is the place it happens lol.
Keep the weird alive and keep on the path💖
My mom was one of the most special people in the world and I’m so sad that more people didn’t get to experience her. To know her was to love her and be loved by her. I’m so grateful to be her daughter and to have so much of what’s good about me, have come from her. I will love and miss you forever. You and me
Together we’ll be
Forever, you’ll see
(GOFUNDME LINK IN MY BIO) Hey y’all, I haven’t made a formal post about @bb_glitz_ gofundme yet and wanted to share my thoughts and how I’ve been feeling. Charity’s gofundme explains her journey in detail. To briefly put it, she has always had issues with her teeth. She has a genetic disposition to tooth disease and on top of that has Crohn’s disease which exacerbates the symptoms of her oral health. The brutal pain I’ve seen her go through is enough to never want to wish it on anyone. It is devastating to witness what this has done to her confidence and what limitations it causes. She cant eat anything hard, crunchy or chewy and as someone who is passionate about cooking you can only imagine how deep it runs. I want to see the day where she can turn a new leaf and get the surgery she desperately needs. As well as living a more normal life. We are trying to go to Mexico to get this done as it is at least 70% cheaper. The goal is November but it might need to be sooner. Anything helps, if you are not in a position to donate sharing on your story or however you can is just as helpful as it gets the word out and into someone’s hands who can. Thank you guys. It helps us more than you can imagine.
To be honest I had no idea what 28 or 27 let alone what 29 would look like. I think between my health and the ✨world✨I never really let myself look too far ahead. I’ve always been afraid that I’d loose who I was as I grew up but I feel like I’ve found myself more than ever before and have realized I don’t have to let go of the color or the sparkle, and that I’ll never not have the urge to make a peace sign in a photo. I’m not fully where I want to be in life, but things take time and I’m so happy to have had the experiences I’ve had, and will have, and love the people I love. Here’s to the last year of blaming it on my 20’s!!✨
