I took this portrait in my living room, which is to say I feel like instagram gives this illusion that everything is always perfect and hides the part of the story where I worked so hard to get my first studio space, to lose it during Covid, and then essentially walk away from photography for several years because I felt overwhelmed and like I had lost all direction.
I think part of the reason I‘ve grown to like (I mean definitely reluctantly..) performing is that it‘s forced me to show up and let people see me in process as I develop ideas, characters, etc. rather than just showing you the final “image”. I don’t just get to show you the final product and pretend like it didn’t take me hours to edit it, or paint out the background, or make it look like I shot it in a studio and not sitting alone in my apartment.
And the irony is not lost on me that as a photographer I was most interested in finding these real and authentic moments in other people but was always too afraid to share that side of myself with people. OOPS I think that’s some kind of projection probably. 🙆🏻♂️
Anyway all this to say whatever the fuck my instagram looks like I still sit here most days like a normal human being thinking to myself what am I even doing 😂 I suppose the point I’m trying to make is perfection doesn’t exist (yes we know this) and yet it’s still a trap I constantly get myself stuck in to protect my ego (tbh), or prove to myself that somehow if everything is perfect then I will finally be good enough. But I think the reality is that even if everything was perfect I’d still find a way to feel the imposter syndrome 😂 so as much as I’m sharing my stream of consciousness it’s also a reminder for me to not take everything so seriously because if you keep waiting for everything to be perfect before you take a step, you’re just gonna hold yourself back forever and not even realize until it’s too late..
Ok I think those are all my thoughts for right now 😅
Xx
Self 2023. My once a year instagram post to document what my hair looks like 😂 this is my natural hair color btw (shoutout to @carlincuts for the ✂️) and yes that is a safety pin in my ear 🤷🏼♂️
Life updates.. I still do photography and will try to share some more things on here but honestly I don’t like Instagram so we’ll seeee 🙆🏼♂️
Also after years of photographing comedians I decided what the hell I wanna try this and now one year later here I am performing characters and silly sketch stuff. Come see me in a show and see a totally different side of me.
Ok that’s all for this life updates byeeee
This is my Dad pictured today in the ICU 🖤 Never have I been so proud of him and the work he does every day. It’s scary to think about everything going on, but seeing this picture reminds me of all the courageous and brave people on the front lines and in essential stores taking care of us every day. Love you Dad and thank you @gayle.schaefer for sharing this picture.
Stay safe and please stay at home if you are able to 🖤
#covid19
2020 gonna be a year of creative and personal exploration.⚡️I started photography back in 2015 with a series of self portraits and am going to revisit that creative process to see what strange images I can come up with this time 😂
And in the spirit of self portrait - I’ve taken a handful of close up portraits of friends and artists and wanted to finally include myself to document where I was at the start of the new decade .. ⚡️🖤
A moment of peace, frozen in time with @liamjcashin . There’s something very self reflective about this image that has stuck with me since we shot it. I wish the viewer could know what you were thinking— but I think part of the curiosity and mystery to this image is realizing we never will...
