The reason I always lead my life with love.
I found amma’s old diary and I am shocked by how she fled a war-ridden country and managed to raise my sister and I with this kind of love and softness. To read these notes from decades ago, and to know she had such a deep level of understanding and openness so early on amazes me. From the list of names to how to safely rinse and dry baby clothes - how lucky am I to be raised with so much grace
As many of you know, in 2016 I started filming my grandmother, Thangammah, and her life after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I wanted to capture the value of memories because it’s all we have left after death: photos, videos, their belongings, and of course their legacy. Although she may never remember, I wanted to make sure the rest of us do. I was never able to complete this documentary of my grandmother. Every time I try to edit, I end up in tears. I know if I don’t put together what I have now, I’ll regret it someday, so I’m trying to make-do with what I have. This is a clip of her in 2017 when my mom and I took her to see her younger brother (Subramanium) who is also suffering from the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. It is incredible how some memories come to life when you listen to a song, or see a familiar face… whether it’s a deteriorating mind or a broken body, some moments remain unforgettable. If you watch until the end, you will see how a voice or a face can bring back a memory. Show up because nothing and no one lasts forever.
#alzheimers
Happy 10th birthday to Scarborough’s top dog!!!!🐈⬛🖤
My sweet Bubby is a decade old and I can’t believe it wutttt!!
You’ve been through so much and still carry so much life in you, boy, aren’t you supposed to be 65 in human years?? You’re still loud, still playful, and still acting like the house revolves around you lol where did all the time go and how did you stay the same? After you went missing at 6yrs old, every year with you started to mean more. So this 10th birthday feels big. Finding you again feels like getting to love you twice and I think about that every day.
I still remember turning 20 while you just turned one. Now look at us!! You’re 10 and I’m 30, and loving you still feels like the luckiest thing that ever found me. I also think about that every day
Felt like February left love on the table and loss at the door but...somehow both made it inside. So much of my grief gave me so much of my gratitude. So much of what I’ve lost reminds me so much of what I have 🤍🫧🐦⬛
I wrote this years ago and somehow it disappeared from my grid. I’m realizing that some of my journal pieces are written long before my life catches up to them. That’s the best part about writing…unknowingly, I leave little gems behind for my future self, and one day life hands me the meaning. 🕊️
I’m always surprised at what appears when I sit down long enough to listen to myself. Writing has a way of revealing the answers we were asking for all along.
For my Amma, Ammama, Appamma, Pooti and all my ancestor Queens before me.
Feeling blessed to come from such a powerful and beautiful lineage of women. May we carry the kingdoms they’ve built #iwd #grief #women
