I wake up one night, looking up at the clock at my bedside. Its 2:00am.
Overworked and exhausted, I can't sleep.Laying in bed i push my face back into my pillow searching for that sweet release of dreams. Tossing and turning for minutes that dragged into eternity my mind opens up and hyperfocusing those thoughts that haunt the depths of my psyche.
What is my worth…
I roll over and pull my phone to my face to pacify my overrun mind. Scrolling and scrolling through my instagram, which i've filled with inspiring photographers and artists. A dark pit fills in my heart, a concoction of inspiration, need,want, envy, self loathing,despair. I want to be good. I want to be great. I want to be like these amazing people whose art inspires me and whose pieces i treasure. I throw my phone down close my eyes and the built up bile of my soul seeps through my closed eyes. I wrestle my self awake a husk devoid of feeling.
I need to do something. I grab my camera. Throw in some polaroids. If i can just capture this. I want this feeling to go away. I want to create. Sitting at my desk camera loaded. Fuck settings fuck thinking and shoot. Self portraits. I feel sick, naked, ashamed.I reveal the film. It looks stupid. But something inside me stirs. My breath hastens. That vile sludge that fills me drains.
Snap. Pull. Peel. Snap. Pull. Peel. Snap. Pull. Peel.
The shots come out. I admire them and keep shooting. Let's add this. Let’s try this. Maybe this’ll more interesting. Stuck in that artist high the film flies.
Snap. Pull. Reveal.Snap. Pull. Reveal. Snap. P-. I’m out. I look through the photos and smile and cant pull the stupid grin off my face. These pictures are bad.
Im drained, but my mind clears and im filled with a little bit something else.
I look at the clock. It isn’t 2:00am any longer.
_______________________________
Pretty embarassed to share a glimpse into one of many deep and dark strees induced nights when I lacked my ability to create and stress of reality weighs heavily. But.
Do what it takes to weather the night.
Be true and create for the most important audience member in the world- yourself.
#inspireday2020
In the streets thousands of eyes are on you but none of them are really looking.
#kylexploragram #canonP #35mmfilm #film #homedeveloped #canon #analogue #analoguephotography #buyfilmnotmegapixels #streetphotography #filmcommunity #ishootfilm #filmisalive #filmisnotdead #believeinfilm #sharefilm #staybrokeshootfilm #bleachmyfilm #hipster #analoguevibes
One of my favorite photos ever taken with one of the weirdest stories behind it.
Don't put me on a blacklist 🙏
#kylexploragram #kiev60 #120mm #mediumformat #film #homedeveloped #analogue #analoguephotography #buyfilmnotmegapixels #streetphotography #filmcommunity #ishootfilm #filmisalive #filmisnotdead #believeinfilm #sharefilm #staybrokeshootfilm #bleachmyfilm #hipster #analoguevibes
A couple of photos I took while traveling in Tokyo several years ago. If there is one thing I love when traveling it's the city streets, and tokyo's are famous for good reason.
#kylexploragram #yungbludmag #canonP #35mmfilm #film #homedeveloped #canon #analogue #analoguephotography #buyfilmnotmegapixels #streetphotography #filmcommunity #ishootfilm #filmisalive #filmisnotdead #believeinfilm #sharefilm #staybrokeshootfilm #bleachmyfilm #hipster #analoguevibes
