★ (as) composer;
my compositional practice is an exploration of sound as material – material capable of conveying the architecture of inner states.
i conceive of timbre not merely as ornament, but as the main voice of the musical narrative. silence in these scores is an equal participant, allowing us to listen deeply to the subtle nuances of reflection.
at the center lies the synesthesia of colour and sound: i am interested in how sonoristic techniques and extended ways of playing can generate specific colour associations and psychological landscapes.
my compositions are chamber etudes. in them, instruments become personified, turning into voices of consciousness (as thought, emotion, the inner voice), and their dialogue is built through textural and timbral transformations.
i am drawn to how sound is deformed, reflected, and fades away in different environments, how the architecture of a hall or an unexpected resonance can become co-authors of the score.
in this sense, space for me is not a backdrop, but a full-fledged instrument of the ensemble – capable of radically changing timbral colouring and the perception of form.
i see the chamber ensemble as a laboratory for dissecting emotion, where each measure is a search for an elusive feeling through pure sonic radiation.
. . . listen to “Blueberry” on soundcloud <3
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Sojourn (A.K.) composition ♪ ★ acoustic memory research (“a short period when someone stays in a particular place”); here as the representation of the memory and associations of the St. Andrew’s Church, where this composition was played.
1. three instruments for the composition as a spiritual number of the harmony (high-pitched percussion, piano, domra in ad libitum + using special church modes, aeolian modes for piano).
2. one moving instrument around the space as a symbol of the church procession (memory), as a spiritual journey, a journey of life, a clock.
3. special placements of the instruments should show the main specifics of the space.
☆ instruments:
percussion – moments of the revelations, timbral interruptions
piano – fixed at the symbolic location, harmonic foundation, as the unchanging structure
domra – the symbol of the journey; the wandering soul
・high notes, one moving instrument (domra) should resonate in the space in a certain way, creating the understanding of the acoustics.
all those roles capture the personal memory and associations with the St. Andrew’s Church, as Sojourn, as a short stay . . .
sound-engineer, piano: @xqttwe <3
composer, domra: @_babooka
place: St. Andrew’s Church
soon to be listened . . .
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⊹๋࣭ 🧜♀️ a notice; digital girlfriend; making up mermaid ideas in my head, metallic sounds, it feels even unreal, or bitter. writing essays in my notes app, — always on the go…where and when, i think i’m lost in the process, trying to just let it happen . . .
it is a Cool thing to feel one’s feelings. anything, — even something that turns your stomach and leads you to the questions you had never before thought to ask. there was a time when i believed that once you returned to yourself, everything would grow quiet, leaving you calm and alert. but in truth, that only made me more vulnerable to the Grief, sleeping in my chest. and yet, this is a truly beautiful thing. grief is a word that sometimes arrives without warning. it shocks, pulsates, screams, tries to sabotage; then it hugs, whispers. grief makes you feel alive.
so, here i am — dreaming, hoping, loving deeply. but at nights, my heart becomes so full that it pounds against its own edges, threatening to break them. i did not know what was happening at first, but i do now. this is Grief. it was hiding all along, even when I remained so quiet. only now has it begun to turn metallic, noisy, sharp. being honest, i have grown tired; it feels as though i have never truly rested in years. strange, uncontrollable, even silly. yet i have grown so comfortable with this idea of feeling blue sometimes… i love this colour. yes, if i were a colour, i would be Blue — searching for it constantly in my texts and sounds; it has become part of my identity. and it is funny to think that those who have never met the real me see me as the most optimistic person ever. and i am! but not all the time. i am a real Person. i grieved for a long time, and only when i allowed myself to be fully me — as in Me — did i let it all out.
but here is the difference. now, i am simply trying to just let it all happen as it goes.
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𑁍 a notice; impermanence, wind resistance; it leaves you to look up and just be, — something in between. still cold, hiding hands in the pockets, but those cherry blossoms remind: of the renewal, patience, hope. as in 花見, as in a silent way to express emotions; to feel home inside the body somehow. cherry blossoms . . . in the end of the second month of spring.
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a notice; ✽ in my final year of school, i dyed my hair bright pink. that was years ago; my hair colouring began long before — i’d been experimenting ever since i first felt the impulse to do so. yet it was only with this particular shade of pink that i experienced a sense of freedom i had not previously known. something had shifted. my understanding of what it meant to be a girl underwent a quiet transformation; in that change, i found myself — as myself, as a girl, as a lotus . . . there is no lotus without the mud, “transformation, meaning”, as the saying goes. well, same thing, i guess; there is no alice without colours. <3
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a notice; 🎐 🎀 💗
ॱ⋅.𝄞 i am: a water in the vase for flowers
some sparks glowing in the sun
thunderstorm in the middle of a field
a never ending sea
veins and heart and shyness for the eyes
small petals under the cherry tree
a smell of books, turning into the dust sometimes
the invisible buzz from the electricity
somewhere in the room
a lonesome bathtub
an echo on the streets
cold fingertips
silence in the conversation
the bliss of laughter
loyalty in the peaceful air
with some pinky promise
and soulfully
i am a girl <3
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✩‧₊˚⸜(^ w ^)ଓ ༘˚˖
♪・. a notice; i tried to think of a theme for this ★notice, though never quite found it. anyhow, it’s the beginning of spring today! let the flowers bloom and birds sing 🩷 putting these into the music pieces in a way ꣑୧ ⊹˖˚⋆♡✴︎
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.・゜✧﹒𝜗𝜚﹒✧゜・a notice;
sometimes i can be like this, sometimes i can be this
sometimes i can cry all day, or i can be happy all day
sometimes i can be me all day, or i can be somebody else
sometimes i can be really exhausted, but never show it
sometimes i can be anxious and don’t want to be touched
sometimes the only thing i want is someone to hug me
sometimes i feel like drowning and want to disappear
sometimes i love everything and everyone
sometimes i say it is what it is, but deep inside struggling to process it
sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s too easy
sometimes i feel like reading all day
sometimes i feel like i don’t belong here
sometimes i’m so happy having such amazing people around me
sometimes it’s alright and “it will pass”
sometimes it’s not
sometimes it’s me
and this is also me
and it’s . . . OKAY !
anyhow, i always choose love <3
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⟡⋆.˚❀⋆.˚⟡ a notice; everything happened to be so slow and steady, as the water lily that i saw today in the pond; she woke up from a vivid dream, perhaps…what dream that was, — was there ever a dream? at times, it feels like i didn’t wake up. as a water lily? perhaps. i drew this vivid dream, as a gift. it stays within the ocean and kind people here forever, — this water lily.
“Water Lily”
canvas ‘ 40x60 cm
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