❤️🔥 because reminiscing can be fun & invigorating & nostalgic all at the same time. What a year of growth and daring and tragedy and fear and big big big learning. I felt truly alive at times and I don’t take that for granted. Here’s to 2022: may it be gentle yet fierce, kind but discerning and full of only the very best surprises. xx
Frizzy braids & a painting that looks like a blue sky + fluffy clouds. (Also full disclosure - I was in 10/10 pain here, had the worse migraine I’ve had in weeks, was so nauseous/dizzy I kept having to catch my breath and felt weak like I haven’t in years. This captured moment of true joy is real. But it’s just a moment in what has been a really tough 36 hours. I used to worry about posting moments like this one because it didn’t represent the entirety of my lived experience - but now I think it’s important to share these moments and to also be transparent about the moments around them.) #spoonie
My pain spiked all night so I spent most of it sorting through pictures because Apple is still saying I’m out of room…and I’m not over posting pictures I like, so here you go! xx
#spoonie update - a week ago my pain was so piercing and felt so uncontrollable that I almost went to the ER. My abdomen was swollen and on fire, I had numerous ovarian cysts burst and the internal bleeding was searing my insides, I had a migraine, I was nauseous and I barely slept because of all these symptoms. I was a mess and I was angry and I was scared. I’m feeling better now and I managed to have an okay week but I am so drained and my energy reservoir is depleted. Yesterday I fell asleep at 730pm and slept for over 12 hours but chewing food still feels like too much effort today. Yes you read that right - sometimes chewing food feels like such a struggle. And it sucks. I was reading some old essays I wrote and I talked a lot about how difficult it can be to have to continuously prioritize rest in a community that glorifies the hustle & making the most of every second. Constant plans & activities & fun & wild wild wild times as often as possible. Being surrounded by so many people emerge from forced solitude and celebrate being able to do all the things again - I keep falling into the comparison trap, or I overbook myself, or I feel more lonely and flaky when I don’t join in or I feel frustrated that I can’t keep up. It’s a no win and it sucks. But being too fatigued to chew because of a flare also sucks. I’m also overwhelmed again with stress about the pandemic & protecting those who are more vulnerable & how to stay as safe as possible. Which is complicated AF. This week I’m going to try to refocus on “triage” when it comes to my commitments, where I focus my energy and how I find time to truly rest. If you’re also struggling with this new chapter of the pandemic & your chronic illnesses - I’m sending you love & strength. #invisibleillnessawareness #chronicillness
🍒 dress days are the best days. & yes I bruise like a 🍑 and I’m truly grateful for the people who make me laugh like this / capture sneaky pictures / carry very heavy tables onto my rooftop
