Thoughts on grief, one year on.
It never really goes away.
Sometimes it feels like a sharp punch in the gut, others a warm embrace, or a body of water, peacefully crashing over me.
The finality is as excruciating as it is liberating. There is no changing it; there are no last words I can say, no last buzzcut I can give him, no last song I can hear him singing at the top of his lungs from the kitchen. And that’s also sort of beautiful, depending on the day.
For better or worse, I’ve never felt so emotionally alive in my whole life. Some days I can laugh, and others I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.
As the days and months go by, I recognise new parts of him in me. I make more sense of who he was, his way of being, the things he found funny, the songs he loved.
Some days I feel guilty, as if I’ve forgotten his laugh, his mannerisms. Other days I’ve never felt closer to him.
Lastly, these drawings of his, which I only got to see once he had left this physical realm. I had been pestering him for years to reach out to that friend from Cambridge who had a copy of the Nico poster that he had drawn, only to finally see it at his wake.
I wish I could tell him off for not showing these to me when he could!
I wish I could ask him about ‘the night in question’.
I wish so many things.
And then, I remind myself that there is beauty in finiteness. That I’ll never forget his laugh. That there is no love without grief.
☆ fruitcake farewell market ☆
may 14th
1pm-10pm
@ fruitcake studio| Boddinstr. 32
hi loves
sadly, fruitcake is closing it’s doors, but come through for one final ride on may 14th!
So don’t miss the chance to join us one last time and snatch a tattoo or some cute merch from one of our residents before it’s over!
Join us for a day full of
☆ Art
☆ Clothes
☆ Tattoos
☆ Performances
☆ DJs
☆ TATTOOS + MERCH
by our residents
@alkfaen@1bebitotatu@foolish.tattoo@__enaitz@softtoy_999@avivi.ttts@mother.pokes
come around spontaneously. first come first served tho
xx
poster by our amazing @jude.grolfe
