For Leona:
I was in labor for 48 hours. My water broke. This was the moment I was waiting for. But then you were in distress. We made the decision to go for a c-section. Before I could even wrap my head around what this could mean, my head was in the trash and I was throwing up apple juice. The anesthesiologist was filling my body with different drugs. One for nausea, one to numb, one to who-knows-what. Within minutes I was on the stretcher to the OR.
I threw up again. This time I almost choked. I made the universal choking sign. Someone said, “we need an aspirator.” I was asked questions, “where are you and why are you here?” My answers felt clumsy but right. My ears were full. I was shaking. This was the moment. The moment my life would be fundamentally altered. I wanted to be as present as possible. I tried forcing the drugs out of my brain.
Your dad showed up then. I didn’t see him walk through the door but like magic his hands were in my hair and he was whispering sweet things. I can’t remember what I said. I remember the doctors telling him it was time for him to look. As he was standing up I heard your cry. It was strong. It filled the room. I blinked away tears. This felt as equally real and gritty as it did magical and superhuman. I wanted to hug you and kiss you and tell you how much of a miracle you already were. You didn’t want to come out of my belly. If the 48 hours in labor part of the story didn’t give it away, you were firmly grasping on to the medical separator that kept my 7-layers of skin, fat, fascia, muscle, and who-knows-what open. I promise it was safe in there, but I’ll keep you safe out here too.
Your dad teared up, “she has so much hair, baby”. They took you to check your vitals, your dad cut the cord, and I lay on the table while the surgeons closed me up. One last moment without you. In that last moment, all I wanted was for that moment to end. I wanted to see your face, kiss you, hold you, soothe you.
That finally came. (Continued in the comments)
35 weeks in and we are so excited to meet you, baby girl.
Big shout out to our talented friends @seetoskymedia who brought my maternity shoot vision to life.
Check out my carats 🥕
My life changed slowly and beautifully in 2020 when I started seeing the most patient, humble, kind, and funny human being I’ve ever met. I was afraid to fall in love, but he didn’t give me a choice — instead, he gave me every reason to fall deeper. He’s the type of man who has gotten down on one knee to propose to me every day of our vacation so far; and the man I will continue to say yes to today, tomorrow, and forever 💙.
#ad ✨ You know me and my love for night photography 🌃 Here is day 1 of Dreamville Festival using my favorite feature of the @googlepixel_us : long exposure.
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#giftfromgoogle #teampixel #longexposure was
